Where will you be when Bodø/Glimt win the Champions League? OK, they won’t win the Champions League, but they could win the Champions League. Could they? Four wins in a row. Manchester City, Atlético Madrid away, Inter comprehensively twice. It’s an astonishing run.
I am generally cynical about anything foisted upon us by the game’s overlords, but after a brilliant couple of nights of football Uefa must be delighted with the drama and excitement these playoffs produced.
Paris Saint-Germain a Wout Faes glancing header away from being taken to extra time. Juventus thrillingly close to a 10-man comeback against Galatasaray. Atalanta keeping Serie A alive with that injury-time penalty. OK, less jeopardy with Qarabag, but you can’t have everything.
It is Bodø/Glimt who are the dream. They were of course helped by Manuel Akanji, who picked the wrong time to start buffering, giving the ball away and then going peak complain at anyone and everyone for a mistake that was at the very least 100% his fault.
There’s never a good time to do that, but especially when you’ve gone full Terry Butcher: Mr Bump-style bandage wrapped around your head. Butcher would’ve row-zedded that before any thoughts of playing out came into his head. Actually Mr Bump might have at least knocked it down the channels.
But Bodø/Glimt’s second goal was a thing of beauty. A glorious pass from Jens Petter Hauge and the touch and finish from Håkon Evjen was perfect. They are a good team, with good players – and this is them in pre-season.
What struck me most was how the players and staff reacted at full-time. It is slightly different when you know you are through, when one goal isn’t going to change the game. But this wasn’t delirium at the end. It didn’t feel like Macclesfield knocking out Crystal Palace in the FA Cup: everyone running in different directions, not knowing how to act or who to hug (and to be clear, Macclesfield absolutely should have celebrated like that).
This was quite measured. You got a real sense that Glimt, if they did not expect it, knew it was achievable. And OK, Serie A isn’t the Serie A people of a certain vintage instantly conjure in their minds: Van Basten, Gullit, James Richardson reading the papers. Sadly the 90s were ages ago. But, still, Inter are 10 points clear at the top. They have been in two of the past three Champions League finals.
Transfermarkt figures put the difference in squad value at about €610m (£532m). Bodø/Glimt’s weekly wage bill (FOR THE WHOLE SQUAD) is just over £150,000. Thanks to Jack Kenmare on Sportbible for listing some Premier League players who earn that on their own: Mateo Kovacic, Noni Madueke, Federico Chiesa, Joelinton, Sandro Tonali, Anthony Gordon and Mason Mount.
And to paraphrase the Norwegian football expert and Football Weekly galáctico Lars Sivertsen – for whom this run is almost as profitable as Ole Gunnar Solskjær taking over Manchester United – Glimt’s win is good for football. It is good for anyone who loves the game, and especially anyone who supports a team who don’t win anything – which is pretty much all of us.
Football is about hope. It is about dreaming that one day your team may be the best, or at least beat the best. Reality suggests this is very unlikely. But Glimt were in the second division of Norwegian football a few years ago. And on Tuesday night they comfortably beat Inter.
Perhaps even more importantly, they are the good guys. So often you think you’ve found a charming underdog story, only to discover the owner sells AK47s to children or makes videos of kittens vaping. There’s always something. A nation state, some collection of words – hedge bond tax scheme – that is in some way nefarious. But here it’s a tiny town near Father Christmas with a team who are just brilliantly run and well coached. It is all just, well, nice.
And although we like to think the European Super League idea is dead, there are still big clubs who don’t think they should have to sully themselves with random sides from just north of the Arctic Circle.
Will other teams, to quote Conor Coady, be rubbing their lips to get Glimt in the latter stages of this competition? Probably not, but it is human nature to underestimate an opposition like that. And even if they do get knocked out by Sporting or Manchester City in the next round, they have still given us the chance to ask: if they can do it, why can’t we?
Cambridge United are second in League Two. One defeat in their past 19 matches. Any lower-league fan will understand – it is an odd feeling to start to expect to win. You feel like you’re cheating. You don’t want to jinx it. I don’t even want to write this down. Please don’t be my fault.
But carry this on, and it’s League One. Lincoln are proving that it’s possible you don’t have to be one of the mega rich to compete in the third tier. And OK, a movie star or a rapper or a quarterback may have to give us a few quid to get into the Championship and beyond, but it is possible.
Could Pelly Ruddock Mpanzu be the first footballer to play in all four divisions for two teams? Will Louis Appéré be running the channels at the Etihad in 2028-29? Fortunately I’ve never written a column wondering who Louis Appéré is, nor a column questioning the loyalty of Neil Harris.
In the early 90s we went up the divisions to the top of the second tier in consecutive years. It’s different now, but Glimt show good things are possible. And yes, they won’t win the Champions League, and we’ll get gubbed by MK Dons on Saturday. But you never know – and that tiny bit of hope is everything.
