Honestly don’t think Manchester City could have executively and deliberately cooked up two funnier results in the absurd circumstances.
Liverpool and Paris Saint-Germain were already arguably the most exceptional, narrative-laden opponents a particularly messy bitch of a The Fixture Computer could have thrown up for a club’s first games after being found guilty of almost a decade’s worth of industrial scale cheating.
They promised both ends of the reaction spectrum: a hostile reception from the indignantly furious team arguably most specifically impacted by that subterfuge; and a home game against the side most sympathetic to their plight of not simply being allowed to spend literally all of the money and instead having to follow vague concepts like ‘rules’ and ‘regulations’.
And they have largely delivered. Liverpool were dispatched in a haze of banners, bananas and blame inevitably aimed at entirely the wrong individuals, before PSG produced a stunning and irresistible first half which belied both the French side’s compassionate overtones in the build-up, and a belligerent, determined, City-Til-I-Die-themed Etihad atmosphere.
That Manchester City survived the bouncer admirably but failed to handle the subsequent slower, softer ball probably speaks more to the comparative quality of Liverpool and PSG, rather than any human instinct to thrive in adversity but become complacent in more comfortable climes.
There was even a rousing enough second-half performance to keep City content that their new siege mentality will work more often than not.
It cannot be overstated how perfect a team to face PSG were pre-match. Luis Enrique might as well have been handed the hymn sheet to sing from by the Gallagher brothers themselves, insisting that we must “respect the process,” describing the situation as typical of “noise around big clubs,” and declaring that “the trophies you win on the pitch remain on the pitch”.
The French club’s president, Nasser Al-Khelaifi, said last week that “you are using the word ‘cheating’ but, for them, they didn’t cheat,” before calling Ferran Soriano a “very honest” and respected peer before rather pointedly adding: “We are not in a position to judge.”
Oh, to be a fly on the wall of the private hospitality boxes for Wednesday evening’s Champions League clash, if only for some insight into their respective ability to secure such ludicrously favourable sponsorship deals and reach settlement agreements with UEFA.
But with friends like these, who needs enemies? PSG were considerate and understanding until the first whistle, at which point they meted out the sort of unavoidable crushing punishment City might have to become accustomed to.
They had no counter to Desire Doue’s sumptuous finish from outside the area, catching Gianluigi Donnarumma off-guard. Their lawyers could not argue against Doue and Ousmane Dembele’s deluxe one-two for the second goal minutes later. The only irrefutable evidence contained within Vitinha’s crowning of a glorious team goal proved that PSG are worthy back-to-back European champions.
After the resolute, unwavering response against Liverpool, this was really rather limp and helpless.
Before the game, a fireworks display was shown alongside a rousing video of moments from City’s past – of both the historic Lee, Bell, Summerbee, Dickov and Goater-coded nature, and the slightly more erasable Aguero, Toure, Kompany and Gundogan era. At 3-0 down, the stage was set for Jon Macken to make a half-time appearance.
Enzo Maresca instead brought on Ayyoub Bouaddi, Iliman Ndiaye and Matheus Nunes, and suddenly City burst into life. The shot tally for the first half was six to ten in PSG’s favour. In the second it was 21 to five to the hosts.
The first eight minutes after the restart included half a dozen presentable chances alone. Ndiaye should have scored. Erling Haaland squared it when through. Enzo Fernandez missed a free header. Josko Gvardiol could have done far better with his opportunity.
A singularly determined Haaland eventually pulled one back in true Steven Gerrard style: an excellent flicked header before an immediate turn on the spot into a stirring celebration.
The supporters rose to the occasion as City threatened a nonsensical comeback; remarkably wasteful finishing and poor choices from Antoine Semenyo in particular stunted those hopes.
But they were ultimately extinguished by Gianluigi Donnarumma, whose strong wrist to send a Maghnes Akliouche shot high into the air was forsaken by the spin of the ball, which took it over the line as the Italian scrambled to avert the disaster.
Haaland scored again soon after. Nunes conceded a penalty which Ferran Torres missed. Haaland should have completed his hat-trick. These are the two most adept and experienced teams at letting their football do the talking, and it was an engrossing conversation for 90 minutes in fairness.
That second half, and in particular the brilliance of Bouaddi from the bench, gave City enough to cling to in front of Pep Guardiola, watching his friends from the stands for the first time since The Verdict, while the first appeased the increasing desperation of some to see this club penalised and disciplined now.
City’s petro/nation state brothers in arms, PS actual G being framed as the virtuous, honourable heroes in that context is the sort of stupidity the sport deserves.
