As to Jannik Sinner, I don’t want to be unkind, for I am sure he is a fine man, who is nice to his mother, which is what counts after all. But if you had to put together a player who was a mix of the truly dull – an iceblock, a flat footpath, a drab day in June and a column saying the Las Vegas NRL match will be the most exciting thing ever – wouldn’t you come up with Sinner?
I don’t mean to be unkind, I said!
My point is that for all Sinner’s stunning skill, his stamina, his will to win – all of which are admirable – I simply cannot recall another world-famous sporting identity that is so dull to watch.
I’ll be in my trailer.
Legends about legends are hit and myth
The link between Sir Donald Bradman, Muhammad Ali and Michael Schumacher – beyond being sporting icons of course – may not be obvious at first glance, I grant you. But try this …
For all three, a large part of their life was such a blank canvas that their adoring fans could paint upon it whatever they liked, without fear of contradiction. Because their sporting feats were so admired, and there was simply no counter-narrative out there – least of all from the men themselves, or those close to them – the sporting adoration they enjoyed markedly altered their public picture.
Don Bradman bats for Australia against England in 1930. But what was he really like?Credit: Getty Images
Sir Donald’s fame in Australia was such that his image was a bright shining light of wisdom, kindness, generosity and sagacity. As he only gave one substantial interview in his post-cricket life – to Ray Martin – when it came to what sort of man he actually was, we had so little to go on that the sometimes bitterly critical counter-narratives offered by the likes of Bill “Tiger” O’Reilly, Ian Chappell and Keith Miller never went far.
We so wanted to love Bradman, that we didn’t want to hear stories of him being selfish, vindictive or mean-spirited. And even those critics never went too hard, in public, because as O’Reilly is reported to have quipped: “You don’t piss on statues”.
When it came to Muhammad Ali, the issue was the brain damage done by being hit in the head for three decades or so. The public did not want to believe that such a loquacious, brilliant, witty, courageous, fantastic man as Ali could be suffering from something so maudlin and plebeian as being punch-drunk – so we pretty much refused to believe it.
Therefore, that simple, stark truth never made headway against every other absurd narrative going. Do you remember how it was?
The famous photo of Muhammad Ali knocking down Sonny Liston in the first round of their second bout on May 25, 1965. Three decades of blows to the head robbed Ali of his latter years.Credit: AP
Far from having brain damage, Ali, as the most famous man on the planet, had just withdrawn inside himself to get a little peace. Or, in fact, it was the pesticide that was being used on the garden at a training camp he went to that had done the damage. Oh, and the Parkinson’s disease he suffered from could have hit anyone! The fact it hit Ali was just coincidence.
Yeah, nah.
Ali finished punch-drunk, done down by too many fists to the head, and you and me – for it was our love for him that kept him boxing long after he should have stopped.
Which brings us to Michael Schumacher. Since his catastrophic ski accident in 2013, when his helmet and head hit a rock at speed while going off-piste at Meribel in France, he has had such severe brain damage that he has never been seen by anyone other than intimates since.
Michael Schumacher celebrates winning the Chinese F1 GP in 2006.Credit: AP
But say it ain’t so, Joe!
Schumacher, you say, who raced at speeds of more than 300km/h was finally done down while skiing? It can’t be! Not him.
With no counter-narratives, it means that every few months we get an unattributed bit of good news, always from an unnamed source: he’s sitting up; he knows what is going on around him; he can communicate with his wife.
The latest, this week, from the Daily Mail – no, really – was to the effect that “Michael Schumacher is no longer bedridden”. See, he’s doing so well, he can even be pushed around in his wheelchair, in his properties by Lake Geneva and on Majorca.
The Ferrari crew cheer home Michael Schumacher as he takes victory in the Australian GP in 2000.Credit: AP
Great news! Worth a run. Worth talking about. And no counter-narrative, so what’s the problem?
Still, a bit weird, yes? Not only being pushed around in a wheelchair, but well enough to be moved between countries. And yet no photos at airports, private hangars or being moved from an ambulance have ever emerged. Odd.
You know what, he might be so well he was even able to attend his daughter’s wedding, as was reported last year! Again, weird that no photos from guests showed any such thing, but there you go.
Look, he might be soooooo well, he could even give an interview?
Such was the claim three years ago, when the German publication Die Aktuelle, ran a picture of him on its front page under the banner headline: “Michael Schumacher, The First Interview, World Sensation.” The edition sold out quickly – only for it to be revealed that the whole interview was AI-generated and never actually took place.
So it goes.
So it will go.
The Schumacher family has chosen to give the family patriarch the dignity of complete privacy in the catastrophe he has faced – their perfect right. The job for the rest of us is to not believe anything, just because it fits the narrative we want.
Land of the rising sons
Meantime, let’s hear it for the Kiama Cavaliers fourth-grade team, composed – as reported by the Kiama Bugle – of no fewer than seven father-son pairings. Step forward Shane Wilson and his son Oliver, Adam McCrone with sons Harry and Riley, Andrew Marsh with Heath, Giles Brown with Milo, Brett Nortje with Marlow, Col Bayley with Hayden, and Glenn Coghlan with his son William.
Can any other team out there match them?
And, seeing as you ask, this year I want to do more “Gotta love this city” stories – yarns from the grassroots. If you have any, or any opinions whatsoever that you want to share, email me at pfitzsimons@smh.com.au.
Good to be back.
What they said
Coco Gauff on her post-match racquet smash meltdown: “I tried to go somewhere where they wouldn’t broadcast it but, obviously, they did. So, yeah, maybe some conversations can be had, because I feel like at this tournament the only private place we have is the locker room.”
Coco Gauff displays her pure frustration in Melbourne.Credit: Channel Nine
Iga Swiatek on it: “The question is, are we tennis players or are we, like, animals in the zoo where they are observed even when they poop, you know?” You’re tennis players. But part of your extravagant remuneration comes from the networks being able to put cameras where they can capture the emotions that sell.
Alex de Minaur on another grand slam quarter-final defeat: “I’m playing out of my comfort zone and at times out of my skin. Of course, for me to take that next step, I’ve got to be comfortable in playing that sort of way for the whole match. That’s what it takes to take it to the next level, especially against these types of guys.”
One of the world’s finest basketballers, and good man, Steph Curry in full support of those protesting the ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) killings of American citizens on the streets of Minneapolis: “In negative 10 degree weather it was beautiful to see that turnout. Speaks to how important it felt to those people to have their voice heard, and in those elements.”
A mass protest against ICE and the Trump administration in Minneapolis on Friday, January 23, the day before Alex Pretti was killed.Credit: Bloomberg
Las Vegas cop Kendall Bell on Australians being safe in Las Vegas: “There have been a lot of headlines about ICE – but they’re not targeting Australians. They’re looking for different nationalities, or people from different countries – Australians are perfectly fine.” At least if the Australians don’t look Hispanic, or step forward to try and save protesters being bashed.
German Football Association vice president Oke Gottlich thinks the World Cup in America next year should be boycotted: “I really wonder when the time will be to think and talk about this [a boycott] concretely. For me, that time has definitely come. What were the justifications for the boycotts of the Olympic Games in the 1980s? By my reckoning the potential threat is greater now than it was then. We need to have this discussion.”
Golfer Patrick Reed on leaving LIV to return to the PGA Tour: “I am moving forward in my career, and I look forward to competing on the PGA Tour and DP World Tour. I can’t wait to get back out there and revisit some of the best places on Earth.”
Novak Djokovic after Lorenzo Musetti had to retire with a two-set lead in their Australian Open quarter-final: “I don’t know what to say except I feel very sorry for him. He was the far better player. I was on my way home tonight.”
Lorenzo Musetti reacts after retiring from his quarter-final against Novak Djokovic.Credit: Getty Images
South Sydney chief executive Blake Solly on Rabbitohs fans taking their picture wearing a Bunnies jersey out and about: “So the ‘Random Souths Guy’ is just that, it’s a phenomenon that’s unique to our club and in some ways unique to Australian sport.”
Australian Maddison Inglis following her straight-sets loss to world No.2 Iga Swiątek in the fourth round of the Australian Open: “Even though today didn’t go like I had planned, it was an incredible two weeks. Pretty life-changing for me. The best result of my career, so super happy. I’m looking forward to taking it into the rest of the year.” When asked what she was going to do with the lazy half a million dollars she won, Inglis said she fancied a new toaster.
Team of the week
Sophie Molineux. Australia’s new all-format cricket captain, replaces the retiring Alyssa Healy, who has been outstanding in the role.
New England Patriots and Seattle Seahawks. Will contest this year’s Super Bowl.
Don Bradman. His baggy green from the 1947-48 series against India just sold for $460,000.
Maddison Inglis. The 28-year-old journeywoman picked up a tidy $480,000 for her Australian Open efforts.
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Scottie Scheffler. Won again on the PGA Tour. Hottest golfer in the world, and has been world No.1 for the past 141 weeks. At his height, Tiger Woods managed that feat for 281 weeks.
Perth Scorchers. Won the BBL – again. Be still, my beating heart.
Jay Vine. Was knocked down by a kangaroo on the final stage of the Tour Down Under cycle race in Adelaide, but bounced back to win it. (I’m here till Thursday. Try the veal!)
