Key events
“Yesterday I saw a very entertaining clip of Beefy, Merv Hughes and anors watching Nathan Lyon’s sensational wicket-snaffling over,” write Sarah Bacon. “Their reactions were … priceless. Unfortunately, it seems to have vanished from my ‘socials’ so if you, pretty please, can find it, this Aussie-in-Ingerland would be very grateful.”
Can anyone help? I’m not great with socials, I’m afraid, but can I interest you in some comedy cricket aggro from 1997?
Barney Ronay
It’s a cruel, cruel summer. By the close of play in Adelaide, on the kind of superheated afternoon when just going outside basically involves setting fire to your own hair, it was clear this was the day the music finally died for England’s Ashes tour; even if that music has long since faded, like the tinkle of a haunted pianola in an empty house.
The start of day two had presented a familiar challenge. Here was another occasion where it was necessary to bat properly. And yes, it is always this day. The bat properly day. Do it. Do the batting. The proper batting. By now this seems to raise some very basic existential questions.
What is properly? What is batting? And what is this England team, when even losing a Test match seems to involve doing so without the qualities that were supposed to make it win: no panache, no boldness, no energy? There are only two things wrong with this England team. They can’t Baz. And they can’t ball.
Ali Martin
On a sweltering second day in the so-called city of churches, faith appeared to evaporate. Faith in technology, certainly, a sentiment shared by both sets of players. But for England there was a broader loss of belief in their attacking philosophy after having it systematically dismantled by Australia.
This could have been the day that England finally made a statement with the bat in this Ashes series. It was a 40C (104F) furnace out in the middle for the bowlers, the breeze akin to a hairdryer. And the pitch, bone dry, had none of the bounce that proved England’s undoing during those sorry defeats in Perth and Brisbane.
And yet by stumps they had crawled to 213 for eight from 68 overs, still 158 behind, and a 3-0 scoreline in Australia’s favour was loading. Ben Stokes was unbeaten on 45 after three hours of bullish defiance but only one captain glowed with authority. Pat Cummins had led a remarkable display of bowling by the hosts with figures of three for 54 on a stellar comeback.
Indeed, for all the talk of England’s problems with the bat – and minds are now seemingly scrambled – the biggest difference has surely been with the ball. Even with key men missing Australia have been relentless all series and here, despite the sapping heat, they stuck their guests in a straitjacket of nagging lines and lengths, extracting every shred of movement on offer.
Preamble
Never mind the Christmas Test and the Boxing Day Test, the 2025-26 Ashes has become cricket’s equivalent of a New Year’s Eve night out. We’ve all been there, when the expectation of a classic night out gives way to the the reality of anti-climax and infighting. Given that every New Year’s Eve night out/England tour to Australia tends to follow the same pattern, we were thunderingly naive to think this would be any different.
This should be the midpoint of the series, the third day of the third Test. It was supposed to be 1-1, with both teams brawling for supremacy at Adelaide. Instead Australia are poised to go up 3-0 with two game to play for the sixth time in the last seven home series. Or, to put it another way, it’s 10pm on New Year’s Eve, the party’s clearing out but you’re stuck chatting to some clown with a kazoo and a bottle of 12% ABV product. Plus ça effing change.
England will resume on 213 for 8, still 158 runs behind, after succumbing to a merciless and forensic bowling performance from Australia on day two. They’ve recovered from even more precarious positions in the Bazball era, most notably at Edgbaston in 2022, but that was before their spirit had been crushed by the unique strains of an Ashes tour – and the near impossible challenge of beating Australia on their own patch.
