England were better than all of us watching will care to remember, but still needed Harry Kane to rescue them from World Cup humiliation.
Bring on Mexico and that shed they call the Azteca.
Do also indulge in some England player ratings.
1) “In terms of that being my last memory of a World Cup – yeah, I’m looking forward to the next World Cup to try to put that right,” said Harry Kane back in October.
Despite representing Spurs for almost two whole decades, it was “probably the worst that I felt in any moment”.
And witnessing the inexorable release of those years of pent-up frustration, resentment and introspection in a single kick of the ball was to watch England’s greatest player – one of the world’s absolute finest – try to atone for a mistake he never really needed to.
Kane always had enough credit in the international bank to override that France penalty miss. His systematic transformation in the time since from excellent to absolutely elite means this is no redemption. You cannot redeem what is already divine. And make no mistake: for England, for Bayern Munich and by any reasonable measure as a footballer, Kane absolutely is divine.
But Christ, that shot. That moment. Absolutely absurd.
2) It ended up not far off where Kane likely intended that fated spot-kick to threaten the structural integrity of Hugo Lloris’ net in Qatar. And there is a certain beauty to that.
This was no penalty, but it was precisely the sort of effort Kane will have practised as incessantly, if not more so than scoring unchallenged from 12 yards. The way he received the ball with his back to goal, shifted it out of his feet and fashioned the space to shoot with such unadulterated power and ferocious accuracy felt relentlessly rehearsed and remarkably familiar.
It isn’t Kane’s technique specifically which sets him apart, but the sheer ludicrous consistency of it, and how reliably he performs it at the highest level.
Kane spoke about how in the aftermath of the France defeat, “the hardest part to process and take” was “not being able to execute something that I’ve been able to execute many a time in my career”. He has left nothing to chance this time.
3) But that really did feel uncomfortably Euro 2024 in the first half especially. England, staring down the barrel of a humiliating, era-defining defeat to a relative minnow, would arguably have deserved no less than the early World Cup exit their ludicrous individual quality spared them from.
This performance flitted seamlessly between abysmal, confusing and exasperating, every bit as alarming as Iceland and Slovakia for large swathes, and just as damning on a manger who would have struggled to continue sincerely in the role thereafter.
Thomas Tuchel promised to “build on what Gareth built and add a little extra to get over the line”. A ropey 2-1 win against inferior opposition in the first knock-out game of an international tournament felt a little on the nose, but if that “little extra” is delivered in the final by a Champions League-winning coach then this will all be largely forgotten.
4) That was the theme of Kane’s post-match interview, conducted after a jinx-baiting We Go Again huddle-based speech to the players on the pitch: that “these rounds are just about getting through” and “you have to grind wins out”.
He isn’t exactly wrong, but it might have resonated more had England’s next opponents done precious little grinding to book their last-16 meeting. And let’s not even depress ourselves by getting started on France.
5) The better, more flattering and probably fairer comparison would obviously be with Brazil, whose sensational coach, working in international management for the first time, corrected his own mistakes with some brave changes and tactical shifts to rescue a result.
In both their case and that of England, the concession of an early goal changed the complexion of their games fundamentally.
The problem for England was that about five or six players auditioned for the roles of Danilo and Casemiro and all got the part; in other words, it was a f**king mess.
Zero midfield pressure on Chancel Mbemba passing a good 15 yards inside the England half; the entire backline inexplicably shifting across too far together as if they were table football figures but the side had broken off; Noni Madueke not tracking back; Jordan Pickford committing the cardinal sin of Being Beaten At His Near Post but it actually being a legitimate criticism. It added up to a genuinely baffling goal which rocked England until the first hydration break saved them.
Kane is sensational, and a couple more of these players are capable of the “hero moments” the captain spoke about after the game. But if that midfield and defence remains so porous, disconnected and vulnerable, it eventually won’t be enough.
6) Textbook “they are no mugs” description of DR Congo by Alan Shearer on co-comms about a minute before their goal, too. Top work all round at a tournament which has painstakingly proven that basically only San Marino are mugs in international football now.
7) The sheer extent to which England were rattled was summed up by a passage of play in the 19th minute, when no player could complete even a simple five-yard pass to a team-mate convincingly, and the abdication of responsibility was clear enough that Ezri Konsa and Nico O’Reilly both decided to leave the ball on the edge of the area for so long that a previously prone Yoane Wissa was able to get back up and almost steal it.
It was a regrettable paragraph, and Bellingham’s yellow-worthy crunching challenge after overrunning the ball and misplacing a pass himself was a fitting full stop.
The entire England team, at that point, was basically Paul Gascoigne at Italia ’90, and the hydration break was Gary Lineker saying to have a word. They needed one.
8) There was a shift upon the restart. Bellingham’s header in the 30th minute was England’s latest first shot in a World Cup game on record, and it should be no surprise that Declan Rice was the provider with a sublime cross.
Only Achraf Hakimi and Leandro Trossard have created more chances at this World Cup than a player whose importance to the England cause was undermined by his match-turning cameo at right-back, with another of his crosses playing a key part in the equaliser after a well-timed driving run on the underlap.
The slight risk is that Rice is going to be completely cooked soon if he isn’t already, his stoppage-time substitution underlining how this is not a player even close to full fitness. But he is now England’s best midfielder and best right-back so that must feel nice, even if it won’t soothe his poor hamstrings.
9) England really ought to have scored soon after when Kane’s sumptuous control of a Marcus Rashford pass created the hint of an opportunity which never quite materialised, before Noni Madueke finally reached the byline, beat his marker and squeezed a ball into the area.
Rashford could not quite force the ball over the line at the back post, and England remained behind.
Beyond Brian Cipenga’s goal, that was Congo’s best moment as a team. Axel Tuanzebe stuck tight to Kane and was exceptional throughout, while fellow Manchester United alumnus Aaron Wan-Bissaka’s goal-line block was the jewel in a crowning display.
As Tuanzebe said after the game: “The pathway is there for them, we’re ensuring that.” Any defenders coming through might just have to wait. Only four countries in the history of the World Cup had ever conceded more goals than Zaire (1974) in a single tournament; this was the first time Congo let in more than two in a game.
10) The same goes for the keepers after that Lionel Mpasi masterclass.
With his name like a misguided Wordle guess, the Congo shot-stopper joined the legion of legendary No.1s at the 2026 World Cup. Bellingham was thwarted wonderfully twice, while Mpasi keeping Kane out with his actual penis was quite the flourish.
Actually, there’s a thought. Was the summer of Vozinha, Orlando Gill, Alireza Beiranvand and Eloy Room destined ever since Emiliano Martinez did that thing four years ago? Shame it didn’t work on Pickford really.
11) Mpasi did get away with one at the end of the first half, when England responded to Yoane Wissa hitting the post from a matter of yards out by launching an attack they ought to have equalised from.
Bellingham played Kane through, Mpasi came out, Kane went over and a penalty seemed a certainty. But the only thing given was a goal kick.
The usual cliches applied: Kane initiated the contact and made the most of it. But Mpasi did get a touch on the England striker as he came rushing out to obstruct him.
Kane, under no obligation to dodge the keeper but also probably mindful of an injury, waited just long enough for that contact before diving. But it should have been a penalty. And if it wasn’t, surely the only possible recourse is a booking for simulation? Genuinely not sure how that situation could possibly result in neither. Probably karma for the Konsa moment.
13) Konsa has, by the way, been so poor this summer. Probably their worst player, yet one Tuchel will not drop at this stage, and probably can’t given the options he has taken.
The one constant in this England defence has also looked the least convincing component of a generally faulty machine.
His failure to keep track of Wissa almost cost England severely and the centre-half relationship between Konsa and Marc Guehi seems bizarrely non-existent.
We took the Maguire-Stones major tournament axis for granted, didn’t we?
14) Tuchel deserves credit for channelling that late-era Southgate knack of making the right changes at the right time, often to correct his own initial mistakes.
In terms of the substitutions, both wingers being taken off on the hour mark was a telling reflection of how little they had contributed. Madueke had that one dribble and cross, while Rashford had an effort cleared off the line. But both were guilty of not helping out off the ball nearly enough, and the latter’s contribution was encapsulated by the boos which greeted a dreadful cross shortly before he was taken off.
Both needed to go, and Djed Spence won’t have minded his 15-minute breather after a chastening game, even if all the blame for the Congo goal was unfairly pinned on him.
The right-back change was courageous – and according to Tuchel, an idea from assistant Anthony Barry, whose half-time speeches have been devastatingly rubbish since his early peak for the Croatia game.
It meant Rice shifting into the defence, Elliot Anderson being trusted as the pivot and England committing more players to the attack. And it finally helped breach Congo, with Bukayo Saka and Eberechi Eze both involved in the build-up to the equaliser from the bench, Rice’s engine helping him burst into the area to dig out a cross to Anthony Gordon, and the Barcelona forward lofting the ball back in for Kane to score.
England have players capable of playing a variety of roles, and a coach willing to let them when necessary. And while the same cannot be said for supporters who have been burned time and again over the years, this team did not panic or waver in attack. Looking at it in retrospect, it felt far more fraught from the living rooms and pubs than it actually was for those on the pitch.
15) If anything, they were too calm and not nearly kitchen sinky enough. England had no shots from the 55th minute to the 74th, almost pointedly seeking calm and controlled possession instead. Then they scored in the 75th, wrestled momentum back and went from there.
The winner was down to Anderson’s pass, Bellingham’s run and Kane’s finish, the first two opening Congo up to facilitate the last part. But in between it was Gordon who kept his head best by collecting a loose ball and evading two challenges before playing it to the captain.
In doing so, Gordon became the first player on record to assist two goals as a substitute in a World Cup knock-out game. That should contradict the argument for him to start against Mexico as much as it strengthens it, but Rashford hasn’t done enough to keep the place.
16) All for Kane having a pop from 30 yards in the final few minutes, his work here very much done. One day he’ll finally score for England.
