A fitness class can now be added to the long list of reasons why a transfer failed, right next to Real Madrid’s dodgy fax machine and Pep Odemwingie’s spot in the QPR car park.
In the uber-modernised world of football transfers where data can tell you everything you need to know about a Peruvian right-back, it is nice to know human behaviour still has an impact.
Arguably deadline day is the most important day of the year for a chairman of a football club but the Daily Mail reported that Palace’s chief Steve Parish was spending the final hours not behind his desk but instead at a fitness class in Soho.
We get it and we too fear Puregym’s ‘three no-shows and you’re out’ policy but that Zumba (we choose to believe it was Zumba) class has had a £35m repercussion and left the club with a reportedly ‘extremely unhappy’ club captain.
In fairness to Guehi, we can see why he may be somewhat upset. He was apparently already in Liverpool and was midway through being prodded and probed before someone interrupted a scan to say “Umm Marc, there’s been a change of plan”, and back down the M6 he went.
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But you should not have too much sympathy for the 25-year-old. For starters, let’s talk money.
Guehi’s decision to see out his contract which expires next summer means he will be able to pick up a big signing-on bonus, something that has become increasingly attractive to players who would rather receive the money themselves.
These bonuses can vary wildly, Guehi would not be expecting to earn the €150m that Kylian Mbappé is enjoying for moving to Real Madrid on a free transfer but wherever he does go, he will be on a lot more than the £50k he reportedly gets now.
That fee is essentially the prize for enduring what will undoubtedly be an awkward year for both player and club, as Trent Alexander-Arnold experienced last year.
Away from the money, there’s also the many doors that staying until next summer could open; Liverpool were leading the charge for the signing this summer and seemed the only ones willing to get close to Palace’s £35m asking fee, but a list of suitors might include Real Madrid by next summer.
And a World Cup year does funny things to players’ minds as they suddenly value playing time over all else. Liverpool’s defence has not looked completely solid this year but it still remains likely that Guehi will get more minutes at Palace than he would have done at Anfield.
And there is also the question of how much sympathy you can have for a man who seems to have little sympathy for one of society’s marginalised groups.
Back in December and part of the Premier League’s and Stonewall’s Rainbow Laces campaign, Guehi, as club captain, twice opted to write messages on his rainbow armband.
The first said ‘I love Jesus’ before he followed that up with ‘Jesus loves you’, a message just vague enough that he did not get punished by the FA despite religious messages being banned under the governing body’s regulations.
Guehi himself never spoke on the subject but his pastor father did, suggesting the LGBT community was “trying to impose on others what they believe in.”
He told the Mail: “If you look at what the LGBT community are doing, they are trying to impose on others what they believe in, it’s belief against belief, but at the end of the day everyone has the right to an opinion.”
The result of the unwanted negative press was the Premier League cancelling their partnership with Stonewall.
The reality is Guehi as a Premier League footballer and England international will be fine. Plenty of others deserve your sympathy far more.
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