Stewart Loewe remembers the late Danny Frawley in different ways at different times.
When Loewe sets foot on a golf course, he thinks of his old teammate, the larrikin – the version of Frawley that “never lost a ball”, despite spraying them all over the course.
He would be the first to emerge from the bushes, having always found “his” ball.
When Loewe heads north for a holiday, he remembers Frawley the practical joker.
It reminds him of the times he spent with Frawley, the late Trevor Barker and their partners on Hamilton Island on a yacht owned by Anita Frawley’s parents.
Loewe would leave a fishing line in the water overnight, not knowing that his teammates had anchored his hook with a sneaker when he went to bed.
“I’d wake up in the morning, and I can hear them giggling now, and I’d go, ‘I’ve got one, I’ve got one’, and I’m just dragging up a dead weight, which is my shoe,” he says.
But as the AFL enters the sixth edition of Spud’s Game at Marvel Stadium on Sunday night, a clash between St Kilda and Carlton to support the mental health message, Loewe remembers the shade as much as the light.
“There was a very complex person behind, you know, the Bounce [on Fox Footy], and you know his persona on Triple M,” Loewe says.
“There was a proud father and a proud spud farmer, and someone who was trying to make a mark in corporate AFL and coaching, and he was wrestling all those demons and wrongly thinking that he failed in a lot of them, as we all do when we don’t win a flag, or you’re not a successful premiership coach.”
Frawley, the 240-game veteran and much-loved former captain of the Saints, took his own life in 2019. He was 56.
It is why it is important, Loewe says, to treat Spud’s Game as a reminder that it is OK to talk to people about your own vulnerabilities.
“My life hasn’t been rosy,” Loewe says. “I lost a sister to suicide three months after Danny [in December 2019].
“I had a [family member] who was diagnosed bipolar, and I’d lived my whole childhood kind of burying it deep down inside and not really talking about it and being totally embarrassed by it.
“But, you know, I think it is liberating to see what Danny did [in discussing mental health]. He was so brave to come out and try and talk about it, and take it all on headfirst and front on.
“Some days are pretty shit, and you know we can express that and deal with it the right way, healthily, and move on to the next day.”
Loewe said his sister Elizabeth had tried to take her own life 22 years earlier on the eve of the 1997 grand final – St Kilda lost to Adelaide by 31 points after leading by 13 points at half-time. Loewe and Nathan Burke were co-captains.
“I have not talked about it apart from privately to a few people, and I just buried it,” Loewe says.
“I buried it in ’97, and didn’t even contemplate talking about it until probably, you know, after Danny’s death, and it affected me greatly.
“The way I dealt with it was, you know, taking it from a, ‘You’re selfish’ and the wrong angle and not really having any empathy and understanding and appreciation … which is probably very common, rather than just listening and understanding.
“I loved my sister, and I’ve only got one sibling, and it was tragic, but you know, it’s taught myself and my mother and my father, and our immediate family, a lot about ourselves.”
Loewe says he is happy to talk about his sister now in the “context of what we’re doing this week … because, you know, I’m quite a private person and haven’t really wanted to talk about it [publicly], having already talked about it with the right people”.
Loewe’ story has been entwined with Frawley since his former captain’s death.
He spoke at St Kilda’s best-and-fairest night two days after Frawley died, spoke at his great mate’s funeral the following week, and remains “very tight” with Anita Frawley and her and Danny’s daughters – Chelsea, Danielle and Keeley.
Loewe has often addressed the St Kilda playing group, but will have only one official duty on Sunday.
He will take part in The Hardest Kick charity challenge alongside Brendan Fevola, weather guru Jane Bunn and social media personality DJ Checkers on Marvel Stadium between the Sunday double-header – St Kilda and Carlton’s AFLW sides trade blows from 4.35pm, while the men’s team will fight for a finals berth from 7.20pm.
“Then I’ll go into the function with Anita [Frawley] and the kids, and celebrate a great day with a few friends and family, and reminisce a little bit, and hopefully watch the Saints get a victory,” he said.
Loewe says he remains happy to help promote Spud’s Game – which raises money for the Danny Frawley Centre and Black Dog Institute – because it helps promote discussion about mental health.
“That’s probably the biggest learning for myself over the big journey – that it’s not not tough to share a vulnerability with somebody who’s close and can help and can be an ear, and hopefully prevent you from going down the path that eventually that Danny did,” he said.
“I’m proud to say that I’ve done a fair bit of work over the last couple of years, and I think it helped me and put me in a really good spot, and not say that my life was ever bad, but I feel like … I’m viewing life through a different lens – a lot more appreciative, a lot more, I suppose, respectful of what other people are going through, and you know, just understanding the importance of gratitude and living life.”
