The Socceroos? Go you good things! And bloody bravo the lot of ’em.
Roy Masters has long quoted the rugby league aphorism that “a draw is like kissing your sister”, but in this case, we’ll take it!
The fact that the Socceroos have finished second in their group to qualify automatically for the round of 32 – by recording a nil-all draw against Paraguay, to go with their 2-0 FLOGGING of Turkey, and 2-0 NARROW LOSS to the USA – is really something.
For all you boogers trying to get on board the bandwagon at this late stage, such an outcome was totally unexpected even a few weeks ago, and seemed out of the question only months ago.
The Socceroos, they said! Won’t even qualify, they said! They’re stinking up the joint, they said. Well, NOW look at us.
In the round of 32.
They’re still standing.
Look, to my untutored eyes, it’s clear they are not the flashiest side going around. And I gather we’ll likely soon be coming up against players whose left foot is worth more than our whole side – at least on market value.
But, who cares? Our blokes are emblematic of the nation. From all the lands on earth they come, and put together beneath the Southern Cross, they can be counted on to take on whoever the next opponents are with the same grit they’ve shown so far.
Personally, I’d love to see them chance their arms, legs, a little more, too – and take a few wild chances …. but, whatever. Like millions across our brown and pleasant land, it’s just great to be back on the bandwagon.
Toot! Toot!
Let’s roll.
Gaga over the Baa-Baas
It all started a few months ago when my friend and yours, Robbie Deans, asked me if I’d like to be his assistant coach for the British Barbarians as they take on Wales at Twickenham, in late June.
“Assistant Coach”, you say, Robbie? To the British Baa-Baas, for whom I was once invited to play in 1992, only to have to pull out – to my eternal regret – because of a TV thingummy? The declination of an invitation that has haunted me ever since, did I mention?
For my money, the British Baa-Baas are no less than an institution, one of the most prestigious sides to play for in the world.
Yes, Robbie, very interested!
On the first day’s training, at 9am sharp, I could have a forwards meeting, where I could tell them every single thing I knew about modern forward play, and at 9.01am we could get on the bus and go to training proper!
9.20: I can tell them all how profoundly boring I found Test scrummaging.
9.21: I’ll them, at length about the time I was sent off against the All Blacks for violence. This is how it’s done, lads …
11.00: Now let’s move on to the virtues of bludging on the blind side …
Upon consideration, we decided I was better equipped to be an eminence chauve instead, as with former All Blacks coach “Razor” Robertson coming on board to run the show, the Baa-Baas were probably well covered.
But would I like to still come, and hang around with the likes of Faf, Victor Duhan van der Merwe, TJ Perenara, Kyle Sinckler, Vincent Koch, Andrew Kellaway, Izack Rodda, Romain Taofifénua and Virimi Vakatawa?
And it’s been wonderful thereafter. The bonhomie! The stories! The sheer fun of it! The privilege, of just being there …
Often, those of us who are survivors of the amateur era despair that the pros have no clue of just how much fun rugby was for us, before it became a job for them, but this week has shown me the spirit of the game itself triumphs after all. It’s all still there. It just needs traditions like the Baa-Baas to keep it alive.
The most wonderful thing of all, is that the Baa-Baas have not only survived in the modern era, they are still prospering. They have no home ground, no clubhouse, no regular side. They have one thing: their reputation. Even in the modern era, the serious professionals still want to play with them, play with each other, and embody the spirit of the game.
The whole concept was started back in 1890 by the English barrister William Percy Carpmael, with a very simple idea. Why not bring together the best players from the best clubs, put them in a jersey with black and white hoops, and press upon them the idea of playing in the true spirit of the game: trying things! Show off your skills, lads, with one loyalty alone: to the game itself!
By the last part of last century, it was pushed along by a great man I knew a little, a fabulous Englishman by the name of Micky Steele-Bodger who really pushed the international angle, and the idea that beyond being a team, the Barbarians was an international fellowship, with rituals of its, own – and allowing famous players from nations around the world to have the joy of playing with each other, not just against each other.
And what rugby they played! What friendships they forged. Google the highlights of the Baa-Baas vs The Wallabies on the 1984 Grand Slam tour, or the Baa-Baas vs the All Blacks in the legendary 1973 encounter at Cardiff Arms Park. Has there ever been a better try scored anywhere, by anyone, than the one scored by Gareth Edwards?
In the modern era, the President is former English international John Spencer, a very good rugby man and the only non-Welsh groomsman at Edwards’ wedding despite never experiencing a win over Wales in his illustrious career.
In sum, the fact that over the years even through professionalism, the Baa-baas has gone on and prospered, is simply wonderful. Players who have won World Cups, who have won Six Nations Championships, are still wonderfully proud to have played for the Baa-Baas, and rightly so. I have no idea how they’ll go against Wales on Saturday, only that they’ll do the old game proud.
Stellar line-up
Put it in your diaries. This year, we of the Cauliflower Club will be holding our biggest ever rugby lunch, the day before the Sydney Bledisloe, on October 16 at the Fullerton Hotel. Our guest speakers will be none other than those famous sparring partners Senator David Pocock and … Richie McCaw, while we will also be graced with the presence of former New Zealand prime minister Jacinda Ardern, now a Sydney resident, who will be making a toast to the forwards. In response, the aforementioned Tony Abbott will make the toast to the backs! I know, it is the stellar line-up to beat them all, yes? Google, and go-go. Tickets are $250 a pop, and all profits go to helping those badly injured through sport.
What they said
Iraq coach Graham Arnold ahead of the France match on how to deal with Kylian Mbappé: “I asked if we could play three goalkeepers. But they said no.” Mbappé scored twice.
Lionel Messi on becoming the highest goalscorer in World Cup history – for now: “It’s an honour being up there for what it means, being alongside Klose and Ronaldo, who is there also. But it doesn’t mean anything. At the end of the day, they are stats and nothing more.”
Mbappé on being on Messi’s heels: “Leo has also scored, he scores and he will always score. I don’t watch what he does, otherwise I will have to do more. I only look at my team.”
Titans coach Josh Hannay on Zane Harrison starring against the Panthers in just his sixth game: “It is a special night for him. That will go in the scrapbook for sure, but he is going to have a lot of those moments.” Do people still have scrapbooks? Discuss.
Ecuador coach Sebastián Beccacece after their draw with – looks up atlas – tiny Curacao: “In football, there are things that simply can’t be explained. The result speaks for itself, so anything else I say could sound like an excuse. Today we had to win, and we didn’t.”
Turkey coach Vincenzo Montella on all the negative feedback: “I’m a little bit older and I’m able to switch off from that, but a lot of our players are only 20 years of age. They are young guys, so they can suffer in that sort of situation … They’re men, they’re not robots, not machines. So they have been affected by how overboard some of the reactions have been.”
Arda Guler, the 21-year-old star of Turkish soccer: “We tried very hard but it didn’t work. But we should have scored some goals. We should have won these games … Everybody’s sad, everybody’s crying.”
Spanish manager Luis de la Fuente urged people not to compare 18-year-old wunderkind Lamine Yamal to Messi and Diego Maradona: “The worst mistake we could make would be to compare him to anyone … He has great serenity and strength. We have to let him follow his path but those players who have something different are ready for that. They’re geniuses, like Dalí [who] can paint a picture, or Michelangelo. They’re different.”
Olympic swimmer Scott Miller on what the Aussie public thinks of him after his rough times: “If they believe what they read and they see, they probably hate me.” Yeah, nah.
Cristiano Ronaldo after Portugal destroyed the mighty Uzbekistan: “God helps those who work hard. I knew my teammates would help out too … I’ve been in this profession for 23 years now, and whenever things go well, Cristiano is doing great, but when they go badly, Cristiano is retired, he’s too old. It will always be like that.”
David Campese on his role with the NRL: “Rugby union hasn’t wanted me for years. They seem to overlook people who have been successful.”
Campo: “I’m outspoken and went to a government school – I didn’t go to a private school. I didn’t comply with what they wanted to hear. It’s very frustrating and sad. I don’t think I was a rebel, I was just different.”
Campo: “I just don’t like the way rugby is played. When I played, we used to entertain and win. I don’t know why we aren’t allowed to get into coaching. Is it because we know too much?” No, Campo. It is because your every public utterance, nearly without exception, bitter, negative and the embodiment of entitlement, as all of the above quotes demonstrate. How much can a koala bear? Not that much.
Team of the week
Serena Williams. The 44-year-old who last won a singles match at Wimbledon in 2019 has a wildcard into the singles to go with her doubles one.
Cristiano Ronaldo. Became first player to score in six different World Cups.
Lionel Messi. Became the highest goalscorer in World Cup history.
Australia. Finish the group stage of the T20 World Cup with a match tomorrow against India. Sorry, what? You didn’t know there was any such World Cup going on? Me neither. As you were.
Tony Modra. Wishing the AFL legend a speedy recovery from his truck accident.
Hurricanes. Smashed the Chiefs 60-5 to win the Super Rugby title.
Carlton. Unbeaten after five matches with new coach Josh Fraser.
Peter FitzSimons is a journalist and columnist with The Sydney Morning Herald.Connect via X.
