The prosecution: Emily
There is a correct way to load a dishwasher. Ananya’s haphazard method makes no sense
I don’t really fight with my partner, Ananya, except over this: I believe there is a correct way to load and unload a dishwasher, and she flatly refuses to agree.
Ananya doesn’t rinse plates before she loads them. It only takes two seconds to run something under the tap, but she doesn’t. Then there’s the way she puts things in. In most dishwashers, the water is sprayed up from the bottom. Bowls need to go in upside down, otherwise water never reaches the insides properly and you end up with crockery full of dirty water that can’t drain out. Similarly, dishes shouldn’t be stacked on top of each other. It’s basic physics.
But Ananya piles plates on top of each other and shoves cups wherever. She throws all the cutlery into one compartment, facing upwards, when they should face down to get washed more. Things come out dirty, or with water pooled on top. She takes the dirty dishes to the sink to wash by hand afterwards. She blames the dishwasher, but it’s really how she’s using it.
I grew up in a house without a dishwasher, but when I moved into a shared house I learned that dishes can’t be just shoved in any which way. Plates should not be crammed together, bowls should be angled, and glasses have to go on the top rack so they don’t crack. Ananya has broken glasses before because she puts them upside down in the bottom rack.
I’m always the one who fixes the problems she causes. I often have to reload the dishwasher and switch it back on to do another wash. I’m also the only one who cleans the filter.
When I suggest she should load the dishwasher my way, she accuses me of being pedantic or says it’s “not a big deal”. I don’t think wanting clean dishes is controlling. We both suffer if one of us loads it badly: we end up eating off dirty plates or replacing broken crockery.
Ananya says there’s no “right way” to load dishwashers, just different preferences. But they are machines designed to be used in a specific way and you can’t just hope for the best.
The defence: Ananya
My method works fine. By dictating how it should be done, Emily is being superior and controlling
Emily treats the dishwasher like a moral test: if you don’t load it her way, you’ve failed, not just at the task, but as a person and as a girlfriend.
I didn’t grow up with a dishwasher, either, so I’m used to washing everything by hand. I reject Emily’s claim that I’m not good at washing-up. Before I lived with her, my dishes were always clean. I like using the dishwasher, but I’m not anal about it.
To me, it is a convenience, not a sacred system. I load what fits, turn it on, and get on with my life. If I’m in a rush, I do shove the lot in wherever, but it always comes out more or less clean. Yes, sometimes a glass will still have a bit of residue, so I will hand rinse it, which takes 10 seconds. The world keeps turning.
Emily constantly redoes my work, sighing theatrically and calling me in to observe her following her superior method. She constantly talks about the correct ways of doing things as if they are objective facts. The only thing I’ve taken on board is placing the bowls face-down. But I don’t really rinse things off because I don’t have time. What’s the point in having a dishwasher if you have to wash things first? Emily says the filter gets clogged if I don’t, but so far it’s been fine.
The cutlery also still comes out clean if I put the forks facing up, so this is a non-issue. The glasses broke because they were old, not because of how I positioned them.
Emily is the type of person to read the manual of an electronics item when it arrives: I just go for it. But that doesn’t automatically make her way the only acceptable way. She just has a superiority complex. She frames her way of doing things as practical, when it’s clearly about control.
She is a teacher, and there is a seven-year age gap between us – so maybe that’s why we have this disagreement. I don’t refuse to learn her tactics because I’m lazy or careless: I honestly don’t think there’s anything wrong with what I’m doing.
The jury of Guardian readers
Does Ananya’s argument lack sparkle?
Many people have elaborate dishwasher stacking rules, but Ananya isn’t even doing the basics – rinsing and stacking upside down. “More or less clean” is another way of saying “dirty”. And Ananya says the filter is fine, but that’s only because Emily is cleaning it.
Rachel, 45
Ananya and Emily are both double-washing, wasting water, energy and time. When it is her turn, Ananya should skip the machine entirely and wash up by hand.
Lou, 43
Even if Ananya doesn’t care about reading manuals or dealing with dirty or broken dishes, Emily clearly does – and when you’re in a relationship, you need to take your partner’s feelings into account. Why not let Emily be in charge of dishes, so she can do it her way, and have Ananya take charge of another chore that is less contentious?
Jasmeen, 38
I would politely send my regrets to any dinner parties Ananya is hosting. Some things in life don’t matter, but hygiene certainly does. Ananya’s scathing response speaks for itself.
Mona, 52
What’s the point of having a dishwasher if you’re not going to use it efficiently? Maybe Emily could convey her feelings less patronisingly, but if she’s having to clear up Ananya’s messes, she’s still in the right. Perhaps Ananya should go back to washing her own dishes by hand.
Susie, 46
Now you be the judge
In our online poll, tell us: does Ananya need to clean up her act?
The poll closes on Wednesday 4 March at 9am
Last week’s results
We asked whether Elsa should stop wearing the same perfume as her friend Marta
20% of you said yes – Elsa is guilty
80% of you said no – Elsa is not guilty
