The news from Perth is that the catalogue of great English calamities in Australia has a brand new entry. For the first time in 104 years an Ashes Test match has been wrapped up inside two days and by the end of this eight-wicket mauling England’s players looked utterly broken.
Ben Stokes will doubtless push back at that notion, such is his refusal to ever throw in the towel. But as Travis Head slashed and carved his way to a breathtaking 69-ball century, vaporising a target of 205 in 28.2 overs, the psychological blow landed by the hosts felt greater than a 1-0 lead.
Australia were supreme in the turnaround, Mitchell Starc turning a seven-wicket haul on day one into a 10-wicket Test match and Scott Boland, four for 33, relocating his best length. From 59 for one at lunch – a lead of 99 runs – England collapsed to 164 all out, a total that would have been far worse save for some thrash from the lower order.
By that stage on a bouncy surface, a wicket had fallen every three and a half overs on average. With Australia needing to make the highest score of the match, the England supporters who roared on the 50-run pushback from Gus Atkinson and Brydon Carse still had every reason to believe.
Enter Head, opening after Usman Khawaja’s latest back spasm and delivering the kind of innings that will only deepen Australia’s contempt for so-called Bazball. By the time Head holed out with 13 runs still required, he had made 123 from 83 balls – and absolute mincemeat out of England’s bowlers.
Assisted by 23 from Jake Weatherald, and with Marnus Labuschagne racing to an unbeaten half-century that was sealed with a six, Head crashed 16 fours and cleared the rope four times. No bowler was spared, even if his 17-run takedown of Stokes’s second over was among the most telling.
Just 24 hours earlier the tourists had taken charge of this first Test after a display of shock and awe from Stokes and his five-pronged pace attack. One session into the second day, Ben Duckett and Ollie Pope having recovered from the completion of Zak Crawley’s first pair, the sense that this greybeard Australia side were there for the taking only increased further.
What followed was every fear about the downside of England’s aggressive approach made flesh: a heinous collapse of five for 23 in 40 minutes. It started with Boland beating Duckett with some bounce and bordered on self-immolation thereafter. Perth is a place to keep the driver in the bag save for dispatching the half-volley. Yet three senior pros thought they knew better.
All it took was half a bat’s width of nip from Boland to snare Pope and Harry Brook in the space of four deliveries, catches flying to wicketkeeper and slip courtesy of reckless ambition. Root was cooked the other way, castled off the inside edge by Starc when similarly trying to make something of a statement. And he is meant to be the sensible one.
Having earlier dismissed Crawley with an athletic one-handed caught and bowled, Starc then followed Root’s dismissal by prising out Stokes for the second time in the match via a squared-up edge to second slip. For all that Head lit up the chase, the left-armer was rightly named player of the match.
With Pat Cummins and Josh Hazlewood on the sidelines and Khawaja struggling physically in the match, this was a golden opportunity for England to make an early statement on this tour. Yet the lesser-known Brendan Doggett held his own on debut with five wickets across the Test.
after newsletter promotion
Among these was the moment that caused the most debate amid the chaos when Jamie Smith, on 15, was strangled down leg. Not out on the field, Snicko showed a clear spike when it was sent upstairs. The issue being that the pictures did not tally up, inviting questions as to why the original decision was overturned.
But the protocols for these referrals allow two frames of difference owing to the technology used in Australia. The third umpire, Sharfuddoula Saikat, took an age to make the right decision, with only inconsistency being why a similar review against Labuschagne 24 hours earlier was declined.
From the depths of 104 for seven and a lead of just 144, a seemingly defendable target was then mustered. Perhaps the sight of Atkinson making 37 and Carse 20 should have signalled that conditions were easing off. After all, this was the point in the match when India took control 12 months earlier en route to turning 150 all out on day one into a 295-run win.
Not that this should detract from Head’s otherworldly display, shrugging off the promotion and unfurling an innings to rank alongside his World Cup final heroics two years ago. Like India’s crestfallen players that day, England will need some time to process this one fully.
That they have, at least, with a now 13-day break before the day-night second Test gets under way in Brisbane. Bat as poorly as they did in Perth – 67.5 overs combined across two innings a low not seen since 1904 – and all that talk of making history will only result in the unwanted kind.
