A LONG TIME COMING
A Gold-Plate Generation full-back, taking a surprise appointment abroad, having never managed a club before; what could possibly go wrong? Must we really endure Jamie Carragher making hilarious sport of another inevitable failure every time he’s comprehensively defeated in an argument on Monday Night Football (MNF)? Er, no, because unlike Gary Neville, Ashley Cole hasn’t been presented with a job managing Cesena thanks to his friendship with a cuddly billionaire, able to fit the Valencia gig around his day-job of buying up swathes of his beloved Manchester for personal enrichment.
Rather, Cole has earned his position by taking a succession of coaching jobs while showing himself to be an excellent analyst and communicator when appearing on TV, such that the question ought really to be why has it taken seven years for him to be given a managerial position, and why is that managerial position a temporary one, in Serie B? By way of comparison, Steven Gerrard was at Rangers within two years of retirement while Frank Lampard took the Derby post in similar timeframe – likewise Wayne Rooney – before failing and moving on to Chelsea, then failing again, to be rewarded with the big chair at Everton.
As a player, Cole occupied a role requiring not just instinct and improvisation but thought and planning, excelling in it over a generation as one of very few England players ever to be lauded as the world’s best in his position. Moreover, in spending eight years alongside John Terry, he showed an ability to excel in the worst circumstances imaginable, just as in scoring penalties in two Bigger Cup finals, he proved himself able to handle pressure, his career path allowing him to learn from Arsène Wenger, José Mourinho, Carlo Ancelotti, Sven-Göran Eriksson, Luiz Felipe Scolari, Guus Hiddink, Rafael Benítez and Fabio Capello … yes, and André Villas-Boas too. So, what’s the difference?
Well, Ashley isn’t really a footballer’s name, so there’s that – were he seeking a vacancy in a Weatherfield butcher’s, things would surely have been different. Or might it be the section in his autobiography which talks about Arsenal reneging on a promise to pay him a salary his work had clearly earned, causing him to explain that “I was so incensed. I was trembling with anger. I couldn’t believe what I’d heard … I nearly swerved off the road”? And there were indeed infants who found this problematic, similarly when he departed for Chelsea, but the remaining adults were surely familiar with the propensity of employers to lie to their employees, or offer a rate below market value then present it as a gift – behaviour which might result in an employee moving on for a better career opportunity. Thus, what could it possibly be that held Cole back? It’s a real head-scratcher isn’t it?!
Apropos of nothing, roughly 43% of Premier League footballers are Black or biracial, while there are two biracial managers; roughly 34% of Championship footballers are Black or biracial, while there are no Black or biracial managers.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“We registered 9,500 people today, so I have the fortune of telling you that as of now, you are ’officially amazing’, congratulations” – Guinness World Records judge Alfredo Arista announces that a Mexico City coaching session is now officially the largest ever held in football – yes even bigger than pre-season training at Boehly-era Chelsea.
Several decades ago I played Sunday league football with the late and former Arsenal, Manchester United and Scotland striker David Herd. He claimed to not have been a gifted player and he sharpened his skills by spending his afternoons kicking balls into the shed (Friday’s Memory Lane – Football Daily full email edition) while more talented teammates went off to play snooker and enjoy a pint or two. The intense practise made hitting the ball into the onion bag instinctive, he said” – David Campion.
Your picture and write-up about the Arsenal training box reminded me of that old, very adaptable, training ground joke from years gone by. A team, let’s call them, say, Spurs, are suffering long-term performance problems. Before another match and inevitable defeat, their current manager, let’s call him, say, Mr Tudor, calls a previous, successful manager, let’s call him, say, Mr Pocchetino, to ask for training ground tips. Well, one thing we always used were dustbins. You know, the old-fashioned cylindrical dustbins? Put 10 of them out on the pitch in a random formation and get your players to attack them. They have to kick the ball against the bins, and the unpredictable angle and speed of bounce will help your players develop their reactions and anticipation. ‘Oh, great. Thanks Poch. We’ll try that with the current side.’ Three hours later, Poch gets another call from Tudor. ‘Poch! Poch! What will we do? The bins are winning 3-0!’ – Ken Muir (written before the draw with Liverpool).
I’m aware of how busy y’all are refilling your cartridge pens (pints?), but might you kindly point me to the glossary for Big Vase [Europa League], Tin Pot (Europa Conference League], Bigger Cups [Champions League], tin [Oh come one!] … we colonials need some help, in case that’s not obvious” – Clinton Macsherry.
If you have any, please send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s prizeless letter o’ the day is … David Campion. Terms and conditions for our competitions, when we run them, are here.
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