SHUT IT
Release clauses. War chests. Amortisation. Transfer requests. Surplus to requirements. Online meltdowns. Agents. Gazumping. Buy-back clauses. Options. Add-ons. Personal terms. Soft approaches. Grifters. Clickbait. Lowball bids. In The Knows. Serious bids. Super agents. Hijacked bids. Agreements in principle. Medicals. Undisclosed fees. Part exchanges. Deal sheets. Here we gos! Done deals. Some busker strumming a guitar in the Sky Sports News studio while reminiscing about Deadline Days passim through the medium of song. No really, some busker strumming a guitar in the Sky Sports News studio while etc, and so on. After a near relentless onslaught of media buzzwords, hype and assorted reputable (and thoroughly disreputable) transfer insiders announcing they “understand” things, the summer transfer window is finally shut. But what’s that Football Daily can see pressed up against the glass? The out-of-joint nose of an apoplectic David Moyes.
While the likes of Liverpool, Aston Villa, Coventry, Crystal Palace, Fulham and Manchester United were all flagged up as clubs who endured the worst summer transfer window by assorted experts in one of many deadline day post-mortems perused by Football Daily, we’re going to respectfully suggest their opinions were solicited and prepared for publication before news broke on Tuesday night that Folarin Balogun had decided Everton would not be such A Grand Old Team To Play For and absconded from Finch Farm leaving a trail of dust. The USA USA USA striker’s late change of heart when a deal for his transfer from Monaco to Merseyside had been all but signed, sealed and delivered is reported to have left Everton insiders “shocked”, “disappointed” and with just one out-and-out striker in the form of the endearingly hapless Thierno Barry to see them through until the new year. Indeed, such was the club recruitment department’s determination to get the Balogun deal over the line, nobody appears to have noticed they only have 18 outfield players, not one of whom looks particularly at home at full-back. While the obvious gag involves a late intervention from the White House, whether or not a certain free agent named Séamus Coleman can be tempted out of his recent retirement remains to be seen.
While Manchester City’s deadline day acquisitions of Iliman Ndiaye and Enzo Fernández sent Premier League spending during the summer window up towards a record £3.5bn mark, no last-gasp deal illustrated the sheer obscenity of this unseemly meat-market more than the tug-of-war between Sunderland and Crystal Palace to secure the services of Malick Fofana from Lyon. A young Belgium winger most fans of both clubs probably couldn’t have picked out of a police lineup before Tuesday, Fofana was ferried to a French airport where different private jets from both clubs had been dispatched to fly him to London or Wearside, depending on his mood. Cue: the arrival of a third plane containing Sunderland’s billionaire owner, who eventually persuaded him to board the one festooned with red and white stripes. “The club plays an integral role in economic and environmental change, helping to protect our great city from the effects of climate change,” brags a message that can currently be found on the Sunderland website, albeit in a position of far less prominence than the announcement of their newest recruit. And so until January, when the all the planes refuel and the madness inevitably restarts.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“It’s going to be difficult for me to stay with the national team. Because of the suspension as well, because of Leo’s decision … It’s going to be difficult for everything to carry on as before” – Leandro Paredes says he may retire from international duty with Argentina after Lionel Messi’s decision to do likewise and his 10-match ban for going berserk after the Geopolitics World Cup final.
If you’d told me back in the golden era of Serie A in the 1990s that it would eventually become a dumping ground for underperforming (or past their best in the case of John Stones) Premier League players, judging by Tuesday’s front page of La Gazzetta dello Sport, then I wouldn’t have believed you. And if you’d told me in January that Donyell Malen, who scored seven goals in 35 Premier League games for Aston Villa before going on loan to Roma, would already be on 19 goals in 20 Serie A games, I definitely wouldn’t have believed you” – Noble Francis.
Looks like Argentina have lined up James Maddison to replace Lionel Messi. That is if a street artist in Mumbai (yesterday’s Quote of the Day) can be believed” – Vaughan Wilkinson.
So Folarin Balogun’s transfer to Everton collapsed at the last moment. Surely a call to Donald Trump would have solved the issue” – Nigel Sanders (and a few others).
I’m a bit disappointed in reader Justin Kavanagh announcing his international football retirement too (yesterday’s Football Daily letters). Why give up so abruptly? With the expansion of the Nations League World Cup Conmebol-CAF thingees, it’s easier than ever to get called up. Surely Mr Kavanagh has a relative from Mauritius, one who lives in the Galapagos, or at least a strong liking of Laotian food. Yeah, there are ways to make this work” – Mike Wilner.
If you have any, please send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s prizeless letter o’ the day goes to … Vaughan Wilkinson. Terms and conditions for our competitions, when we run them, are here.