Arsenal beat [insert opposition] 1-0 as Rice set piece secures win on way to PL title [Draft]

Having created nothing from open play, as Viktor Gyokeres made good runs but was either ignored or failed to make anything of passes that came to him, with the Arsenal fans falling silent as they watched their team play slow, aimless passes from side to side, barely looking as though they wanted to penetrate the [insert name of opposition team here] defence, let alone actually doing so, Declan Rice’s corner/free kick [delete as applicable] found [insert name of big Arsenal defender, probably Gabriel] in the box to score/assist/cause sufficient chaos to result in a goal [delete as applicable] to make it 1-0 to the Arsenal.

[Insert name of opposition team] had barely threatened as David Raya faced no shots on target, but [insert moniker of opposition team] will believe they had given at least as good as they got by the time the half-time whistle sounded.

We thought it wise to create a draft opening to an Arsenal match report in preparation for the next 29 games of the Premier League season on their way to the title, having been frustrated at having to write slightly different iterations of this on several occasions already this term.

Eberechi Eze gave the Gunners the lead at half-time with a brilliant finish as he latched onto the second ball from Rice’s free-kick, manoeuvring his feet wonderfully before smashing the ball into the corner against his former club. And actually, while we’re saving time…

Arsenal went up a couple gears after the break having coasted through the first period. [Insert name of winger] caused problems while the rest of the Gunners’ forwards struggled for fluency and Gyokeres continued to cut an isolated figure despite stretching the game to the benefit of others.

After [insert name of ‘finisher’] came on and put the game to bed/made no difference [delete as applicable], Arsenal sat back and looked absurdly comfortable in absorbing whatever little pressure [insert name of opposition] applied as the fans’ calls of “Arsenal, Arsenal, Arsenal” failed to push them into going for more goals when one is just fine, thank you very much.

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Martin Zubimendi largely kept a lid on things with regard to opportunities for [insert name of opposition team], and whenever there was a mere sniff of a chance it was snuffed out by [insert names of whichever four centre-backs are playing].

[Insert name of centre-back(s)] was/were [delete as applicable] brilliant as the changes Arteta made from the [insert name of previous opposition] game made no noticeable difference to the Gunners performance thanks to the now ludicrous strength in depth of his squad.

Chelsea’s record of conceding just 15 goals in a season is under slight/genuine [delete as applicable] threat after an untroubled Raya kept his sixth [increase by one] clean sheet of the season, while Arsenal have still remarkably/unbelievably/laughably [delete as applicable] scored just five goals from open play.

The game just seemed to pass [insert name of opposition] by as Arsenal did just enough to get the win without looking anywhere near as convincing as they did against Atletico Madrid in October.

Boring? Yes. Do they care? No. And after [insert name of so-called title rival] dropped points against [insert name of opposition], Arsenal are cruising to the Premier League title.