Not every game of rugby can deliver a result for the ages. Admittedly, England do not score 13 tries every week but even if the hosts had run up 150 points they would have struggled to eclipse this weekend’s remarkable events in Cardiff and Paris. That said, in the annals of one-sided contests on this famous old stretch of turf, there have been few to match this virtual procession.
To say Japan came a distant second is to be polite in the extreme. From the moment Will Joseph collected a hat-trick of tries inside the game’s opening 20 minutes it was simply a question of how many points England would rack up and, to their credit, Maro Itoje’s side tucked into the free buffet with relish. Joseph, playing only his second Test, claimed a record-equalling five tries as his side comfortably topped their previous highest score against the Brave Blossoms.
The home crowd also particularly enjoyed a barnstorming first-half score by Ellis Genge but, in truth, this was akin to shooting koi carp in a barrel. Japan lost their second-row forward Harry Hockings to a subsequently upgraded 20-minute red card in the first minute and their head coach Eddie Jones, after the relative encouragement of a narrow loss to Wales, wore a stern expression up in the stands from an early stage on his latest return to familiar surroundings.
How the Nations Championship final pool standings will pan out next Saturday remains uncertain, with South Africa and New Zealand both now needing to respond to weekend jolts. But if you work on the basis that Japan, just seven days earlier, finished within a score of Wales it could be argued that England should now be seen as slight favourites to overturn the All Blacks this coming weekend.
Even in the absence of some first-choice personnel they again frequently attacked with verve and were already 49-10 up by the interval as Japan’s evening spiralled from bad to worse. Joseph’s try in the opening minute was splendidly taken but none of the three defenders left sprawling in the 24-year-old’s wake will be in a hurry to rewatch the tape.
The athletic Joseph has had to be patient since making his debut under Jones on tour in Australia four years ago but this was as dream a home debut as Twickenham can offer. A neat double pump pass from Henry Slade and a well-judged cross-kick from Freddie Steward served up a hat-trick on a willow pattern plate and the acrobatic dive into the right corner for the Gloucester back’s fourth reflected the unfettered joy of a player with huge potential.
Genge’s rip-snorting score, again leaving multiple bodies strewn on the floor, sent an even clearer message about England’s intentions, which only wavered fractionally when they were awarded an early penalty in front of the sticks. Judging by some of the expressions on the faces of certain English forwards, Ford’s decision to kick three points was not universally popular, suggesting that there remain differing opinions within the squad when it comes to England’s tactical identity.
Not that it remotely mattered on this occasion. Cadan Murley, clearly itching to get in on the act, muscled his way over and while Warner Dearns grabbed one back for Japan there was another five-pointer for Ben Earl before half-time. Within four minutes of the restart George Martin had taken England’s try tally to nine and it was something of a surprise when Opeti Helu crossed for the visitors’ second three minutes later.
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Even Luke Cowan-Dickie going to the sin-bin, though, offered Japan scant respite with an interception on halfway allowing Joseph, the younger brother of the former England centre Jonathan, to sprint 50 metres for his fifth try. Only Douglas Lambert in 1907, Rory Underwood in 1989, Josh Lewsey in 2003 and Henry Arundell in 2023 had achieved the feat in a Test for England.
The rest was a matter of dotting the i’s and crossing the t’s, although Marcus Smith and Greg Fisilau will not necessarily see it that way. Smith, on for Ford in the 57th minute, looked in sprightly mood and added dash to proceedings while Fisilau, as well as delivering one crunching defensive hit, could not be stopped as he took a more direct route to the line.
Only England’s goalkicking was slightly below par with Ford and Henry Slade succeeding with only five conversions. The missing points could have taken their team up into the nineties but, to be honest, people had stopped counting long before the end. Hopefully, a wounded All Black team will supply a much sterner examination next Saturday.
