TOE JAM
Cole Palmer, who is set for another cold spell on the sidelines after stubbing and breaking a toe at home, is not the first footballer to bizarrely knack themselves in a domestic incident. Michael Stensgaard arrived at Liverpool as suitable understudy to David James in 1994 but the goalkeeper never made an appearance after dislocating a shoulder when setting up an ironing board. In a plot twist that Armando Iannuci and Steve Coogan seem to have overlooked while writing I’m Alan Partridge in the 1990s, Dave Beasant severed the tendon in a big toe in 1993 after dropping a bottle of salad cream. And the advent of electric toothbrushes didn’t come quick enough for Fulham legend Alan Mullery, who once put his back out overzealously tending to his gnashers and consequently missed England’s tour of the Americas in 1964. After falling out of Alf Ramsey’s favour, Mullery didn’t play again for his country until … 1967, missing a certain tournament.
Palmer then will be hoping that this latest setback is just a blip, although missing (at least) Chelsea’s trip to Burnley and key games against Barcelona and Arsenal next week is hardly ideal for Enzo Maresca and co. “He is not available for tomorrow for sure, Barcelona for sure or Arsenal for sure,” sighed the Italian. “Unfortunately, he had an accident at home where he hit his toe. He won’t be back next week. It’s fractured.” Maresca went on. “I wake up many times in the night to go to the toilet,” he added, perhaps a little superfluously. “I hit my head and leg and everything. It can happen. He was very close [to returning]. He was back with us almost with the groin, which is very good news, but he has this small problem. The only thing we know: he is not available for this week and next week.”
The UK’s National Health Service suggests that Maresca is being a little optimistic, stating that “broken toes usually heal within four to six weeks, but it can sometimes take several months” and specifically offers the advice to “not play any sports like football for six weeks or until the pain eases” or “wear tight, pointy shoes.” All of which means there is a possibility that Palmer getting cowboy boots for Christmas or playing again in 2025 could yet be scuppered.
Apart from the obvious Palmer-shaped hole in Chelsea’s attack, the knack also potentially damages his hopes of charming England’s manager before the Geopolitics World Cup, a la Mullery, especially given Thomas Tuchel is blessed with so many other options in that No 10 role: Jude Bellingham, Phil Foden, Eberechi Eze and Morgan Rogers to name just a few. The latter is good pals with Palmer after their time together in Manchester City’s academy and Rogers revealed last year it was he that first used that celebration, before the Chelsea man copied him and made it famous, with Palmer even trademarking the move last month. “Cheeky boy, I’ll let him have it,” quipped Rogers, who now needs to find some new intellectual property. The celebration of smashing a big toe into the corner flag (swearing profusely and howling to the sky while collapsing in a heap on the ground) is seemingly still available, mind. Trademark it while you can, Morgan!
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Our board, led by Peter [Lawwell], and our executive, led by Michael [Nicholson], are dedicated Celtic people. The attempts to dehumanise them and vilify them are shameful” – Ross Desmond, son of Celtic’s principle shareholder Dermot, reads out a statement at the club’s annual general meeting which criticised supporters for their treatment of the leadership. Cue heckling from attendees and an abrupt abandonment of said AGM.
It’s always amusing to read the England banners when an Ashes Test is on here in Australia, especially as they often proclaim allegiance to an English (or Welsh) football club while attending a totally different sporting event. On the other hand, I can understand the Dronfield Owls and the prominent Sheffield United contingent preferring to be in Perth rather than at their bottom-of-the-table derby on Sunday. I wonder if they’ll get together to watch it after the third day’s play? Could make England’s batting look acceptable” – Trevor Townson.
D!ck Advocaat managing Curaçao to GWC qualification! Is there any other football success that matches this drink-related combination?” – Richard Barker [draw Scotland and you could have a Bru-Curaçao cocktail? – Football Daily Ed].
Was the AK-47 part of the photoshoot or had Andy Cole just equipped himself with a suitable level of protection to head to the insalubrious environs of the Tuxedo Princess afterwards (yesterday’s Memory Lane, full email edition)? When its sister ship, the Tuxedo Royale, first docked in Boro circa 2000, many patrons (including me) flocked onboard to enjoy the combined treats of 25p shots and a rotating dance floor” – Martin Clifford.
On the subject of being comprehensively outplayed by professionals (Football Daily letters passim), in our final season my decidedly amateur five-a-side team had a tough pair of back-to-back matches, including a grudge match against our local rivals. A mate called in a ringer, describing him as ‘someone from work’ and tapping his nose in the way of a panto villain suggesting skulduggery. Said ringer utterly bossed both games – marshalling the defence, laying on three assists and two goals across the fixtures, running at a full sprint the entire time and causing both opposing teams to complain to the competition organisers that we’d hired a professional. The ringer objected both times, swearing he’d never been a professional footballer with such vehemence that even our closest rivals believed him. In the pub afterwards, the truth came out: he’d had a few seasons as a referee in the A-League Men, the peak of flamin’ Australian football. First time I’ve ever seen a ref be named man of the match, but nobody could say he didn’t deserve it” – Adam Osborne.
Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s prizeless letter o’ the day winner is … Adam Osborne. Terms and conditions for our competitions, when we run them, can be viewed here.
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