Don’t be sad it’s over, be glad it happened: the storied transfer window of summer 2025, soon to become the stuff of myth and legend, its tales passed down the generations for evermore, is almost over. This leaves us with no option but to focus on the peripheral trudge of actual football – or would if it wasn’t the blasted international break – so before we reduce ourselves to the tedium of that indignity, let us enjoy one final day of obscenely rich and artless men passing money to other obscenely rich and artless men, the beautiful game incarnate.
After a summer spent grizzling about the unfairness of not being allowed to spend way more money than they make, when all they really want to do is celebrate the incomparable glory of having billionaire owners, Aston Villa are springing into action. After the overwhelming success of Marcus Rashford’s two goals (one penalty) against Preston, along with another crucial strike in a 3-0 home win over Brighton, having ticked the fast and strong box, they’re now seeking to fill the slow and weak slot, in talks to sign another winger of whom Manchester United want shot. Should Jadon Sancho refuse the move, they plan to fill that spot in their squad with a large cushion.
Villa also fancy Antwerp’s goalie Senne Lammens, who might be prepared to join them now that Manchester United appear to prefer their current incumbent, Emiliano Martínez. Surely on to a greater winner than any other transferred player in history, given his brief is simply to be less disastrous than André Onana and Altay Bayindir, his naturally sunny and respectful demeanour is also felt to be a perfect fit for Old Trafford. Nor is that it. Also moving to the Midlands is Fletcher Boyd, Aberdeen’s 17-year-old midfielder – a relative unknown for whom no media outlet seems to have a forename.
Lastly, Unai Emery’s quest for an error-prone centre-back devoid of pace and power has finally reached its conclusion: Villa are also close to signing Victor Lindelöf, available on a free transfer after running down his contract at Manchester United, for whom he was somehow granted 284 appearances. For context, Jaap Stam was moved on after 79.
Elsewhere, Tottenham hope to convince Ademola Lookman, who’s had enough of being publicly shamed by Gian Piero Gasperini, that what he really needs instead is to have Daniel Levy control his career prospects. Bayern Munich are also keen on the player, but the lure of Europa League football will surely trump fripperies like winning big trophies and generally enjoying life.
On the other hand, Spurs are keen to relieve themselves of Yves Bissouma, with Galatasaray interested – as they appear to be in every footballer potentially changing clubs. This one, though, may have no better option – even Ederson looks set for Fenerbahce – provided he can get there in time, which can by no means be taken for granted.
For their part, Bayern definitely won’t be taking Nicolas Jackson, originally scheduled to be joining them on loan for the season. After an injury to Liam Delap, there is now a vacancy on the Stamford Bridge bench for a striker who rarely strikes so, with the player kicked out then forced back against his will in a move of typical compassion and integrity, the German club have withdrawn their bid.
In other centre-forward news, the window wouldn’t be complete without Newcastle’s name in the frame for one. Having been turned down by Delap, João Pedro, Hugo Ekitike, Benjamin Sesko, Kevin Kyle, Billy Dane, Ian Olney, Ian Ormondroyd, Stuart Barlow, Terry Gibson, Sean Dundee and Plug from Bash Street Kids, they now plan to loan Ukrainian totem pole Artem Dovbyk from Roma and perhaps pinch Yoane Wissa off Brentford.
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Finally for this window and, as we all choke back the tears, one shard of hope: there are just 102 shopping days until the next shopping day. Together, we’ll get through them.
