Key events
What of Thomas Tuchel himself? He’s doubling down. Turns out the man hired to win the World Cup had no chance of doing so with the players at his disposal.
“I believe that three other nations [in the semi-finals] have almost expectations to win the title. This is not us,” said Tuchel. “France, Spain, Argentina expect almost they’re on that level that they expect to win. We are not there yet. There is still a gap to close. This is what we will do from tomorrow. We will not stop. We will not stop hunting. We will not stop challenging. We have things to improve in a football matter. And this is the context. So there is not a lot of room for drama. If drama is needed, if the blame game needs to be played, OK, we can do that. But I have the right to not engage.”
Jonathan Liew did not spare the rod.
Two years of this. Countless millions sunk on tickets, hotels, Ubers, shirts, pizzas, flags, the hours spent on Google Maps trying to locate somewhere to eat after 11pm in Riga, the endless psychodrama over Jude Bellingham and whether he should have been left at home or not (turns out, not). How we bled and sweated over this, over the minor details of the journey, over whether Danny Welbeck had done enough to earn a place in the squad or not (turns out, not). All pointing towards the moment on Wednesday evening when England are 1-0 up in a World Cup semi-final against Argentina and your entire happiness rests on whether a bunch of millionaire footballers and a millionaire German coach can keep their shit together for 40 minutes, or not.
The England inquest will continue whatever happens here. Here’s Ed Aarons.
Despite the Football Association’s best efforts to produce players who are able to “intelligently dominate possession” as outlined when it launched its “England DNA philosophy” at St George’s Park back in December 2014, there is still a shortage of top-class central midfielders with the technical skills required to win a World Cup semi-final.
Niall McVeigh cast this ugly duckling of a fixture in a positive light.
Yes, the third-place playoff can have a hungover, world-weary vibe, but it can also be a lot of fun. The goals-per-game average is higher than in the final, and the TPPO has never gone to penalties. But does the result matter? It depends who you ask. Back in 1982, France lost an all-time classic semi-final on penalties to West Germany, and were extremely laissez-faire against Poland just two days later. “Our hearts were elsewhere,” Alain Giresse recalled 40 years on. “We had pulled the plug.” On the other hand, Poland’s 3-2 victory meant they matched their best-ever performance, having also won the TPPO against Brazil in 1970. Plenty of other teams have secured a new personal best via this fixture, including Austria, Chile, Portugal, Turkey and Belgium, whose 2-0 triumph over a checked-out England sealed third place in 2018, and a rousing civic reception when the squad returned home.
Preamble
Should you even be watching? The game nobody wants to take part in – though is nice to win – is set for Miami. Should England’s reserve team – and we expect a reserve team – win, then this will represent the best national team performance since 1966. The best since is fourth in 1990 and 2018, previous third-place matches lost to Italy and Belgium. It’s also a chance to rescue Thomas Tuchel’s reputation from the shame of Atlanta. Didier Deschamps can sign off with a third place, to follow second and being champions in the previous two. It’s also a chance for stats-padding, with Kylian Mbappe eyeing the golden boot. See: there is some point to this game after all.
Join me.
