From out of nowhere, Michael Carrick has been sacked by Manchester United. Apparently it’s going to be Mauricio Pochettino to replace him.
And that all also means that Harry Kane is about to return to the Premier League as fast as his record-breaking legs can carry him. He’s been dropping hints, you see. Hints that would be easily missed if you foolishly got bogged down in irrelevant trivia like ‘signing a new contract with Bayern Munich’.
Thrust bucket
Beautifully done, this, by the Mirror.
Pep Guardiola thrust into Man Utd manager saga after being made ‘top target’
The slightly significant information for which there was of course, alas and alack, no room at the end of that headline being ‘by the USA to replace Mauricio Pochettino’.
Inside that story we also get this:
The Argentine is now poised for a return to the Premier League, where he’s previously coached Tottenham and then Chelsea.
Won’t somebody please think of Southampton?
Slip shod
Thanks to the Mirror, we also know what Michael Carrick’s next move will be.
Michael Carrick has let slip what his next job will be after Man Utd sack
Careless of him. What’s he said?
Michael Carrick could decide to re-enter the punditry world if he ends up getting sacked by Manchester United.
Could? Well this lost all its confidence real fast. But we’re sure there are some quotes coming where Carrick himself ‘lets slip’ this punditry plan.
Carrick reportedly had a ‘lack of interest’ in returning to management after leaving Middlesbrough and some believe that heading into punditry instead of pursuing coaching could be his next job in football.
Oh for fu…
A slight return
The Sun desperately want you to believe, even if only long enough to get your precious click, that Harry Kane is now absolutely desperate and gagging to come straight back to England and play for Mauricio Pochettino’s Manchester United.
Awkwardly, of course, he has only just signed a fat new Bayern Munich contract. And even more awkwardly keeps talking about how much he and his family love life in Munich, how settled he is there, and how content he is with his current lot.
And yet he’s about to f*ck all that into the sun to join Man United’s relegation fight. We know this, because he’s dropped a hint. And not just that, but the biggest hint yet.
Harry Kane drops biggest hint yet he may return to Premier League with old boss Mauricio Pochettino set for Man Utd job
See? We like the implication that he’s been dropping lots of hints already about being ready to return to the Premier League, even though on the surface it does look more like he’s been signing massive fat new Bayern Munich contracts, talking about how much he and his family love life in Munich, how settled he is there, and how content he is with his current lot.
Read between the lines, though, and it’s basically all one giant come-and-get-me plea.
And all topped off by his latest and biggest hint. Are you coming back, Harry? Signing for United to break Shearer’s record, yeah?
“I’ll be honest, I am really not sure.
“When I think about coming back, it isn’t just about the record, there are things I haven’t achieved yet.
“But since I’ve been away, it has really opened my eyes that there is a big old world out there, and I think people are appreciating my game more.”
If this is the biggest hint, how small were the others?
“So, I think it would have to be a perfect situation for me to ever come back, and I can’t see where that would be… One day, anything is possible.”
So a return would require a ‘perfect situation’, one that he can’t even imagine, but concedes theoretically could exist within the vast realm of earthly possibilities.
Might as well get those KANE 9 shirts printed now, United fans. It’s as good as done. We’re definitely not in Lloyd Christmas ‘So you’re telling me there’s a chance’ territory here at all, no sir.
One such factor which could catch Kane’s attention is a reunion with former boss Pochettino, who is set to take over as the manager of Manchester United.
Now we are absolutely not going to deny that a Pochettino reunion could constitute part of any hypothetical ‘perfect situation’ that might tempt him back from Germany.
But we absolutely are going to argue that the unstated but we think key element of ‘for a relegation battle’ could not.
Golf balls
Mediawatch was also taken aback by this line in that Sun piece.
While he may ponder over a move back home in the future, Kane can do so with a swanky new £20million golf simulator The Sun exclusively revealed he has added to his UK mansion following a bumper new deal being rewarded to him by Bayern taking him to 2029.
We concede to not being experts on such matters, but £20million for a golf simulator seems a touch steep. And by ‘a touch steep’ we mean ‘completely f*cking mental’. Even on his ‘bumper new deal’ a £20m golf simulator would amount to splurging over nine months’ wages even before considering that you could in fact build multiple golf courses, never mind simulators, with £20m.
And upon closer inspection, he has not in fact had a £20m golf simulator installed in his house. He’s had a golf simulator installed in his £20m house. A small but crucial difference.
Record breaker
Harry Kane isn’t just dropping big hints, though. He’s also making startling admissions.
Kane will move out on his own with most England caps tonight as he goes past Peter Shilton’s tally of 125. But the Mirror have still managed to wring an unlikely confession out of the great man (Kane, that is. Not Shilton).
Harry Kane sets new England target as he admits he could lose Three Lions record
We are, we fear, firmly in ‘the opposite is a story’ territory here. If Kane had sat in a press conference and stubbornly declared it impossible for, say, Declan Rice (27 years old, 80 caps) or Jude Bellingham (23 years old, 60 caps) or indeed any player ever at any time in the future to ever beat his record, that would have been more interesting.
