Newcastle have done their bit, almost certainly specifically in the name of their favourite son.
Over to you: Leeds, Fulham, Sunderland, Crystal Palace, West Ham, Nottingham Forest, Sunderland again, Chelsea, Brighton, Manchester United, Wolves, Spurs, Liverpool, Fulham again, Newcastle again and Leeds again.
The 17-game Erling Haaland goal drought stretching all the way into March has commenced, with Alan Shearer’s record of the fastest player to 100 Premier League goals on the line.
It might be a pipedream. Only once more during that run is Haaland scheduled to face the phenomenal Malick Thiaw and exceptional Fabian Schar after all, and by then the Norwegian will have inevitably battered down the the triple-figure barrier with at least one of his comedic, limb-flailing charges.
But this was never to be his evening, even as Newcastle and Manchester City played out one of the more absurd first halves in Premier League history before settling into a slightly scrappier and undeniably less wasteful second.
Harvey Barnes had two chances edged with both gilt and guilt. Phil Foden dragged one effort agonisingly wide of the post. Haaland and Nick Woltemade shared six shots between them before half time but could not apply the appropriate finishing touch to stunning team moves.
It was, according to the boffins, scientists and air-conditioned laptop nerds of this world, the most big chances (seven) and second-highest non-penalty xG (2.59) produced in a goalless Premier League first half on record.
A neutral could not have asked for a better watch. Mikel Arteta and indeed anyone of even the vaguest Arsenal leaning will have viewed the defensive openness and reliance on open-play threat in understandable horror, while taking great pride in how they achieved the apparent miracle of making Newcastle look ordinary at St James’ Park in September.
Manchester City certainly had their weaknesses exposed, if not exploited. But Newcastle looked vulnerable too. The madness of the first half gave way to a more tense, structured opening to the second as Eddie Howe and Pep Guardiola sought to ruin the fun.
Then they indulged.
From the start of the second half up to the 63rd minute, then from the 71st minute onwards, Manchester City had seven shots to Newcastle’s zero. They all came from different players, including two of those Guardiola brought on in what seemed like a panicked triple substitution. But the Magpies stood firm.
And from the 64th minute to the 70th, Newcastle had five shots (of their nine all game) to one, took the lead twice and won the match.
It would be prudent to consider how Lewis Hall and Tino Livramento’s returns at full-back helped them, how Bruno Guimaraes being deployed a little deeper than Sandro Tonali worked well, how that central defensive partnership was imperious and how Woltemade actually fit neatly into the puzzle of the team instead of being awkwardly forced in.
But those factors simply provided the foundation upon which Newcastle built a truly ridiculous six-minute burst of relief, dread and euphoria.
Barnes broke the curse inflicting seemingly every player on the pitch with a sublime finish after great work from Guimaraes. Ruben Dias equalised four minutes later as an awful Newcastle habit appeared to surface again. Then Barnes replied almost immediately to settle the nerves.
Newcastle had lost to Arsenal at home having led, and to Liverpool at home having heroically pegged them back in dramatic fashion. Only one side has dropped more points from winning positions this season, and just one again has done so from score draw situations.
This, especially after the West Ham debacle but especially after the mess at Brentford, was needed.
It answers none of the questions about their away form, and indeed underlines the chasm between Newcastle’s performances at St James’ Park and their displays elsewhere. But this was a timely reminder that the Gallowgate magic still exists.
That might have been the first come-and-get-me plea issued by a player to an entire nation. Harvey Barnes was asked earlier this week about the prospect of handing in his England cap to represent Scotland, to which he replied that “there’s been no real chats or any sort of progression in that sense” without ruling it out.
“It was great seeing them get through and it was a crazy game,” he added, with this seemingly his tribute to the Tartan bedlam and fluttering of the eyelashes to Scott McTominay.
Manchester City had no response a second time, especially after the sort of double blow of Barnes’ goal followed by a long VAR delay to corroborate it. No chances even close to the quality of those squandered in the first half came again and the last save Nick Pope had to make all game was at 0-0.
This result alone is not enough to completely undermine their title chances after a fine run of form, but it was Guardiola who said “the real season starts now” before this game with the transfer window and international breaks finally in the rearview.
If so, this was a fitting stutter to match how the campaign itself began. The wait for someone to step up on the rare occasions Haaland stumbles goes on.
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