Michael Carrick cares not for running more at Manchester United, with Liverpool bottom for distance covered of all Premier League teams so far.
With thanks to Fotmob, we can revel in the Premier League’s new vague obsession with running stats which are largely irrelevant but can be moulded into whichever narrative suits.
20) Liverpool
Does Andoni Iraola need to whip those lazy sods into shape? Not quite. Liverpool rank first of all Premier League clubs for most sprints this season, so the energy conservation is paying off. They are pressing at the right time.
19) Manchester United
The apparent Patient Zero for what appears to be a creeping fixation with footballers running. Gary Neville laid into their work ethic against Fulham, but as Michael Carrick once wrote of David Moyes’ pledge to the players as new Manchester United manager to “make you run more”…
‘Our running stats were never that big anyway but we came from behind to claim 29 points that season, so we must have been fairly fit, as well as committed. Our capacity for late goals under Sir Alex showed our endurance physically as well as mentally. David was right that in terms of ‘distance covered’ we weren’t one of the top sides in the Premier League. But if you look back over the years, all the good years, teams might come to Old Trafford and run a lot more than us, but quite often we ended up winning 2-0, 3-0 or 4-0.’
He’s nailed the bit of the DNA which dictates Manchester United don’t run much. But they categorically do not simultaneously often end up winning 2-0, 3-0 or 4-0 anymore.
18) Manchester City
The former league leaders have been outrun in almost every game – pipping Crystal Palace by 0.1km at Selhurst Park, then covering more ground than 10-man Liverpool at Anfield – but it doesn’t appear to have held them back too much.
17) Coventry
Frank Lampard is a stickler for The Basics and it feels like running statistics would be among the facets he expects to exploit more to level the Premier League playing field.
16) Aston Villa
The only Premier League game in which Unai Emery’s side have covered more distance than their opponents this season was the Manchester City win. It was more important than the three points, in a way.
15) Chelsea
Having been outrun in every Premier League game bar one last season – you had one job, Liverpool – there has been a slight upturn in Chelsea’s physical intensity under Xabi Alonso. There’s been an awful lot of shadow chasing and jogging to fetch the ball out of their own net.
14) Crystal Palace
It must be said that Crystal Palace’s problem under Pierre Sage feels more related to being rubbish than not running enough.
13) Spurs
De Zerbi-ball is finally starting to take hold, now Sandro Tonali isn’t so inexplicably unfit.
12) Everton
Harrison Armstrong ranks behind only Pascal Gross for most distance covered in the Premier League this season, the 19-year-old continuing to run as far away from Nottingham Forest as possible. It’s his team-mates letting the side down somewhat; a 12-man squad conserving energy for a 38-game season is admittedly sensible.
11) Nottingham Forest
“There is a lot that was coming out – that ‘the players are tired because they are working them too hard’. Since when has that become a currency that is almost like, oh, what are they doing working footballers too hard? The players were working too hard? I have never heard that as being a negative in my life.”
Sean Dyche has definitely enjoyed a few Forest hatewatches this season.
10) Sunderland
“Robustness is key in this league,” Regis Le Bris once said. “You have to have a specific profile and we can now use data to profile the players. If you don’t have ability to run in your previous league, it will be tough to do so in the Premier League.”
It appears as though they need to do more.
9) Hull
Both of Hull’s Premier League defeats were also the only occasions on which their opponent beat them on all four running metrics (distance covered, running, sprinting, number of sprints).
8) Newcastle
Bazoumana Toure and Matias Fernandez-Pardo are first and second for most Premier League sprints per 90 this season. And somehow Newcastle are still rubbish.
7) Brighton
Gross is the marathon man at his big age; Brighton really are a physically phenomenal force.
6) Bournemouth
It is deeply unsurprising to see Bournemouth at this end; Marco Rose has retained the traditions of Iraola with the tireless Adrien Truffert completing the most sprints of any Premier League player.
5) Leeds
The big brutes at Leeds put in those hard yards too, but it doesn’t seem like there’s any risk of whatever the equivalent to Bielsa burnout is. Farke fatigue?
4) Brentford
You would, funnily enough, be hard pressed to find a team as absurdly fit, powerful, direct and effective as Brentford.
3) Ipswich
No individual Ipswich player is in the top 10 for distance covered, which makes theirs a team effort. Leif Davis is second for total number of sprints (172), and is also probably about four load-managing England withdrawals away from a call-up.
2) Arsenal
It is unknown how much distance they covered against Fleetwood.
1) Fulham
Those Real Madrid kids would run through brick walls for Alvaro Arbeloa.
