Key events
“Is it just me,” says Peter Oh, “or does Nick Woltemade look like a mashup of a young Rudi Völler, a pirate, and a pop singer from the 70s?”
You missed Yosser Hughes.
Full time: Bournemouth 2-1 Brighton
In the summer Bournemouth lost their goalkeeper and three key defenders for a combined fee of around £180m. They’re third in the Premier League.
Full time: Newcastle 1-0 Wolves
The other bloke is dead, long live Nick Woltemade.
Full time: Crystal Palace 0-0 Sunderland
Seven points from four games now for Sunderland, who have made an encouraging start to life back in the Premier League.
Full time: Everton 0-0 Aston Villa
An excellent performance from Everton, who would have won but for Emi Martinez in the Villa goal.
Weird times for Villa, who have yet to score a Premier League goal this season.
Full time: Fulham 1-0 Leeds
Maybe Fulham’s luck has turned.
GOAL! Fulham 1-0 Leeds (Gudmundsson 94 og)
A forgettable game has a memorable twist when Gabriel Gudmundsson scores an injury-time own goal to put Fulham ahead! A corner from a number of players at the near post and dipped towards Gudmundsson; he saw the ball late, couldn’t adjust his body and headed into his own net.
90 min: Everton 0-0 Aston Villa Michael Keane misses a good headed chance from Jack Grealish’s cross. Sounds like Everton have been much the better team in that game.
70 min: Real Sociedad 1-2 Real Madrid
With all the, a-hem, excitement elsewhere I missed a goal for Sociedad, a penalty from Mikel Oyarzabal – the man WHO CALLOUSLY REECTED FOOTBALL’S HOUSING APPLICATION – in the 56th minute.
84 min: Newcastle 1-0 Wolves
“Anthony Elanga just came on and in some weird way his signing feels like a lifetime ago,” writes Chris Paraskevas. “Between him, Woltemade and Wissa, some serious and varied talent has been added. Sort of got missed in the whole drama with the other bloke.
“We are sitting very deep by the way. Can easily see Wolves nicking one here.”
The other bloke? Shame he isn’t Scottish or we could have all sorts of fun (sic).
GOAL! Rangers 0-2 Hearts (Shankland 82)
Lawrence Shankland has scored his second goal of the game, gobbling up the rebound after his penalty was saved by Jack Butland.
Russell Martin could be gone by October. Nobody saw that coming, least of all Wyclef Jean.
Premier League latest
80 min: Crystal Palace 0-0 Sunderland This sounds like a dog of a game. Jean-Phillippe Mateta has just been denied by Robin Roefs, though apparently there was a hint of offside.
West Ham v Tottenham Hotspur (5.30pm)
The team news is for the first of two London derbies this evening. Emillia Hawkins is following all the build-up.
Sam Dalling
69 min: Everton 0-0 Aston Villa
Starting to get a little fiery here. Emi Buendia jumps into a scissor style tackle on Iliman Ndiaye. It wasn’t as bad as it sounds but it caused a stir here. Both benches up, both sets of players exchanging words. Everton frustrated at not scoring yet, while Villa are probably just generally frustrated. Emery sensibly withdraws Buendia immediately and gives Harvey Elliott a debut. You can imagine his reception…
68 min: Rangers 0-1 Hearts Rangers thought they’d equalised through Derek Cornelius, but the goal has been ruled out for a foul on the keeper Alexander Schwolow.
67 min: Rangers 0-1 Hearts
“The continuing hilarity at Ibrox and also Celtic Park (after winning 14 of the last 15 league titles, including umpteen trebles, Celtic fans are protesting at Rugby Park tomorrow at the clubs failure to make the Champions League) gives me a warm glow,” writes Simon McMahon. “Dundee and Aberdeen aren’t exactly happy campers either, so for a Dundee United supporter like myself, it’s all good, whatever happens at Easter Road later. (Cracks open another can of McEwan’s Export.)”
71 min: Fulham 0-0 Leeds
Fulham are pushing for their first win of the season. Emilte Smith Rowe has had a shot diverted onto the post by Karl Darlow, it says here.
Premier League latest
GOAL! Bournemouth 2-1 Brighton (Semenyo 61 pen)
Antoine Semenyo restores Bournemouth’s lead from the spot. Jan Paul van Hecke was penalised for a challenge on Evanilson – some people, including Mike Dean on Sky Sports, thought it was a dive – and Semenyo did the rest.
59 min: Fulham 0-0 Leeds
A quiet game is enlivened at Craven Cottage when Karl Darlow makes a terrific save to keep out Harry Wilson’s deflected free-kick.
Half time: Real Sociedad 0-2 Real Madrid (Guler 44)
Arda Guler doubled Real’s lead just before half-time. That could be an important cushion as they have been down to ten men since the 32nd minute, when Dean Huijsen was given a dose of dogso for pulling back a Sociedad forward. It looked a harsh decision – the ball was only just past the halfway line and there was a defender coming across – but Huijsen had to walk.
GOAL! Bournemouth 1-1 Brighton (Mitoma 48)
Brighton’s wide forwards combine for the equaliser: Yankuba Minteh’s cross, Kaoru Mitoma’s careful downward header.
Sam Dalling
46 min: Everton 0-0 Aston Villa
Quelle surprise: Emery has changed it at the break. He had to really – Villa served up tepid gruel in the first half. Midfielder off (Tielemans), striker on (Guessand – the ’next Drogba’ apparently) and McGinn drops back next to Bogarde. It’s a start.
Half-time reading
Championship half-times
40 min: Real Sociedad 0-1 Real Madrid
Before the game in San Sebastian, Sociedad presented John Toshack – who managed both teams – with a Gold and Diamond insignia, the highest honour bestowed by the club.
Premier League half-times
Bournemouth 1-0 Brighton
ScottCrystal Palace 0-0 Sunderland
Everton 0-0 Aston Villa
Fulham 0-0 Leeds
Newcastle 1-0 Wolves
Woltemade
45+4 min: Newcastle 1-0 Wolves
Sandro Tonali has hit the inside of the post for Newcastle, who are all over Wolves like a cheap one.
“Against all my expectations Woltemade has looked completely at ease on debut,” writes Chris Paraskevas. “He is central to most of our best moves, even instigating one very good counter attack with a harry, press and tackle (PES style). The header was textbook and all of his hold-up play has been intelligent.
“I have no complaints.
“Actually we look very sloppy in defence, flat-footed and Schar in particular is turning like a creaking battleship. And I don’t like our home strip this year.”
44 min: Rangers 0-1 Hearts “This place is toxic,” says the Sky Sports News reporter. “The Rangers fans are booing random passages of play.”
