In a chastening round of 16 for English clubs in the Premier League, at least Newcastle can say they stayed in contention for three quarters of the tie before succumbing to a paddling.
That’s not meant to sound facetious. It’s better than Man City, Tottenham or Chelsea managed. Newcastle can say with some justification that they should have won the first leg. They absolutely could have been ahead at half-time of the second.
But the ultimate ease with which Barcelona cruised to victory, the sheer naivety of some of Newcastle’s defending, means it ultimately ends up on the pile with the rest. The last week really has not been a good advert for the art of Premier League defending.
Newcastle weren’t even good at defending set-pieces. Surely the one thing you should be able to rely on from a Barclays-hardened defence.
There’s no denying that for all Barcelona’s obvious quality – and some of the speedily incisive stuff from Raphinha, Lamine Yamal and Robert Lewandowski was a joy – that Newcastle were too often the architects of their own downfall.
Raphinha’s opener was all too easy. Most irritating of all was the second goal. A bog-standard free-kick routine that hoodwinked Dan Burn entirely. He dropped back while the rest of Newcastle’s defence stayed up, played everyone onside and was powerless to prevent a tap-in.
The sight of him immediately berating everyone else was quite something. It’s not always the case that just because you’re on your own you’re in the wrong, but this did feel like it might be on Burn.
Yet despite conceding two such avoidable goals, Newcastle were bang in the tie heading into first-half injury time. We all know Hansi Flick’s Barcelona love their high defensive line, but it was causing them all manner of grief here against a Newcastle side whose attack here didn’t have much variety of attributes, but did have pace to spare.
Anthony Elanga enjoyed by far his most pleasant 45 minutes in a Newcastle shirt, scoring two goals at the end of fine team moves in which Harvey Barnes and Lewis Hall were also enjoying themselves immensely. The second even featured an overconfident error from Lamine Yamal, whose backheel in his own defensive third would have to go down as a misjudgement. Max Dowman would never.
And those goals were not isolated incidents for Newcastle. Time and again they were in behind Barcelona in a first half that often resembled basketball, except entertaining. It was entirely conceivable that Newcastle might get the fifth goal of the night and seventh of the tie as the first half see-sawed to a close.
The penalty conceded by Kieran Trippier and given after a VAR review could have been even worse for Newcastle, with a red card a distinct possibility. He escaped that fate, but Newcastle could not escape punishment.
Barcelona taking the lead for a third time – the first team to do so in the first half of a Champions League knockout game – took the wind from Newcastle’s sails. Lamine Yamal’s two injury-time penalties – right at the end of the game at St James’ Park last week and right at the end of the first half here – carried far greater weight in this tie than a cursory look at the final aggregate scoreline might suggest.
The second half was a procession and, ultimately, an embarrassment. Newcastle’s defending hadn’t been convincing in the first half; in the second it was non-existent.
And by the end it was worse than non-existent, Newcastle actively laying on chances for the likes of Lewandowski and Raphinha. Not the sort of players who need asking twice.
Newcastle’s effort in the first three-quarters of this tie do mean it shouldn’t be considered as bad as the other capitulations from English clubs, but that is a bit like praising the ability of the bread to soak up some of the moisture in a sh*t and cream cheese sandwich.
That others have been more mortifying doesn’t excuse Newcastle from criticism for the way a night that had such rich promise approaching half-time got so entirely away from them.
Eddie Howe got a lot right in the first half, but ultimately went the same way as the last English manager to take on Barcelona in the Nou Camp, shipping seven goals just like Gary Neville’s Valencia back in the day.
The Premier League has some awkward questions to face after a shocking week, and Newcastle must accept their fair share.
