STUNG BY THE BEES
While the opening round of Premier League fixtures hasn’t yet concluded, Football Daily can’t be alone in having jerked both knees to the point of dislocation based on the evidence of what little we’ve seen thus far. Newly-promoted Hull City look the most likely contenders to challenge Arsenal for the title. Ipswich Town’s Julio Enciso already looks a shoo-in for the Ballon d’Or. Eddie Howe will be head coach of Manchester United by the end of the next international break – if Aston Villa don’t nab him first. And judging by James Trafford’s endearingly heartfelt post-match soliloquy on Match of the Day, Leeds United’s gain is very much the Royal Shakespeare Company’s loss.
“Who cares, just enjoy it … just have a right go,” exhorted the Leeds keeper in plummy tones, channelling his inner Kenneth Branagh as he pondered the futility of folk getting too bent out of shape over the occasional setback during a meandering top-flight campaign. Of course while Trafford is correct in his assertion that things don’t always go swimmingly for even the best of teams, Tottenham fans were genuinely buoyed by optimism going into their curtain-raiser after two seasons of watching their under-performing club circling the drain. Excited by the sight of their owners hosing a bazillion pounds upon a Supermarket Sweep-style summer transfer market trolley-dash that shows little or no sign of abating, even the most pessimistic among them couldn’t have envisaged the absolute monstering their team would endure at the hands of Brentford.
“Bad game,” sniffed a crestfallen Roberto De Zerbi, after witnessing a textbook ‘Lads, it’s Tottenham’ performance in which his side were 3-0 down after just 49 minutes. “Our physical condition was not in the right level for all players because many came later after the [Geopolitics] World Cup and there were many new players in the squad and first XI.” While Andy Robertson, Marcos Senesi and Jan Paul van Hecke were the debutants who probably deserve a pass having returned late from their summer exertions, the same cannot be said for Spurs’ spanking new £100m midfielder Sandro Tonali, whose country hasn’t troubled a World Cup since he was 14. The Italian was completely overshadowed by his Brentford counterpart Mamadou Sangaré, who was immeasurably more effective than Tonali for considerably less than half the transfer fee.
“It’s been really nice working with him and I think the club deserves a lot of credit for getting that deal done,” buzzed Bees boss Keith Andrews following the Malian’s bravura debut performance in the Premier League. “We [want to] be relentless, we want to approach the game in as aggressive a way as you can and as positive a way as you can but you can’t always do that because you’ve got to take backwards steps at times. Football’s a soap opera, that’s the reality of it – stories within the narrative. There’s goodies, there’s baddies and you need to live with that, whatever you’re dealt.” And of course, every ongoing soap needs its comic relief and for the third consecutive season, despite stiff opening weekend competition, that role already looks destined for Spurs.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Bobby’s a Yorkshire boy, who’s got character and a bit of fight, a bit of spirit. I read his words in the Bristol press earlier this week when he said, if they give me some proper stick, I’ll celebrate … if they’re not giving Bobby some outrageous chants, then I don’t think Bobby would have been running 100 yards. He had to come off afterwards. He was very tired” – Bristol Rovers boss Steve Evans defends Bobby Kamwa after the winger scored against Newport County – who he left earlier in the summer – and went the full Adebayor.
Oh, Spurs. Last year’s relegation of West Ham and Wolves had them starting at the foot of the no-points, alphabetical order league table. Then some early promise – without even kicking a ball, by 5pm on Saturday they had risen up a whole quarter of the table, to 15th. The real problems set in when they started actually kicking a ball (or trying to)” – Phil Taverner.
It probably won’t happen (he says, trying to tempt fate), but Spurs finishing 17th and winning their first trophy since 2008 and their first European trophy since 1984 and firing their manager, mate, then proceeding to finish 17th but without a trophy and then spending £400m, just to finish 18th and get relegated, would be the most peak Spursy moment in football history. If they do ‘achieve’ it, I’d give them the Ballon D’or Men’s Team of the Year award” – Noble Francis.
After Hull’s dead-ball demolition of an increasingly expensive Manchester United, I notice they’re sponsored by McVities. Can I be the first to suggest the headline ‘Half Man Half Biscuit’?” – Kev McCready (and no others).
If you have any, please send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s prizeless letter o’ the day goes to … Phil Taverner. Terms and conditions for our competitions, when we run them, are here.
PARTNERSHIP OF THE DAY
5.01pm, 21 August: “Lumo is proud to team up with Preston North End FC as the club’s official rail travel partner! With five away fixtures in London this Championship season, we’re helping Lilywhites fans travel affordably between Deepdale and the capital, with fares from under £30. Whether you’re heading to Charlton, QPR, Millwall, Watford or West Ham, we’ve got your journey covered” – that sounds pretty good, though how to they fit around kick-off times, such as Charlton at 3pm next Saturday?
7.46pm, 21 August: “Our last train back from London is at 1619 on Saturdays I’m afraid” – ah.
11.25am, 22 August: “Preston North End’s partnership with Lumo is aimed at fans who might be heading to London to watch North End away, whilst also looking for a weekend stopover. Lumo provides supporters which much more affordable travel from Preston down to the capital, so arguably you can travel there and back, plus a hotel, for less than you might normally pay for your standard train ticket. We appreciate it might not have read that way in the original message, and apologise for any confusion caused” – how much must those fares be to compare with such a bargain hotel hotspot as London?
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